DEAR DEIDRE: Watching porn is my only vice – but I’m worried the videos I like are becoming more and more extreme.
I’ve developed a taste for seeing women dominated and even assaulted, and it scares me that these things arouse me. I think I need help.
I’m 38 and have been watching porn since my teens. But while normal consensual sex used to turn me on, that now does nothing for me.
Instead, in order to get sexually excited I need to see a woman looking like she’s being hurt, and crying. I fear this isn’t normal.
I’m currently single and don’t know how I’ll be able to have a loving sexual relationship with anyone I like, again.
I’ve never thought of myself as a pervert and I don’t like hurting people – especially women – so why do I watch this stuff?
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s good you recognise your need to watch violent porn is unhealthy.
What you’re describing affects many men, and realising you have a problem is the first step to dealing with it.
Porn sites are designed to trap you with increasingly extreme material – that’s how they make their money.
As you fear, this can make real life sex an issue, as ‘vanilla’ experiences no longer turn you on. Some men find they can’t get erections anymore.
Two of my support packs, Internet Pornography Worry? and Addicted To Sex, will tell you where to go for help.
You could also try the Kick Start Recovery Programme, which provides self-help for sex and porn addiction (www.sexaddictionhelp.co.uk).
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