DEAR DEIDRE: My wife has joined the mile high club and fallen for a pilot she works with.
Now she says she’s fallen out of love with me. But I know it’s more than that – she’s having sex with this man.
She’s always been career-driven and flies long-haul flights as a chief stewardess. She’s the breadwinner in our relationship. I’m her husband, a stay-at-home dad with three children aged 10, seven and three.
I was the one who wanted kids and she agreed but said they would be largely my responsibility as she wanted to get back to work.
We are both 37 and when we met 13 years ago, I was ground crew for the same airline.
We got together at a staff party and I fell for her. We dated for eight months, got married and moved into my grandmother’s old house that she’d left to me.
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To start with our relationship was perfect. We were loving and considerate towards one another and had a great sex life but after our children were born, she couldn’t wait to get back to work each time.
I was happy to be at home with them, cooking and cleaning and doing the school runs while she was high maintenance and didn’t seem to want to spend time with us.
I tried to talk to her during our holiday and she said she just felt different and no longer loved me, but said, “That’s normal though isn’t it?”
Recently she forgot her phone in the car and a message flashed up from one of the pilots saying, ‘Can’t wait to see you alone tomorrow’.
When I read more of their messages it became clear they share a bedroom while they are away.
I can’t look at her. I’m devastated.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re still reeling, but don’t rule out that you could still have a future together.
She hasn’t admitted to an affair so do let her know you’ve seen her messages.
Ask her to be honest with you because whether you split, or try to stay together, you both need to understand where everything has changed.
From that point you’ll both be able to consider what changes are needed.
Talk to a counsellor – either alone or with your wife – it will help you navigate this challenging time.
An affair doesn’t have to mean the end. It can be the beginning of an even better, more solid marriage unless either of you decides to give it all up.
My support pack called Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains more.
