Courtesy of Jen Glantz
Right before my husband and I got married in 2021, we did a deep dive into our finances. We had always kept our money separate and decided that after tying the knot, we wouldn't change that. While we both had similar financial structures, like saving, retirement, and investment accounts, our money habits differ.
I'm obsessed with saving money and cutting costs wherever I can. My husband rarely uses coupons and doesn't think twice about ordering takeout when we have food in the fridge. While this caused a handful of fights over the five years we dated, we always resolved those arguments by agreeing to keep our money separated and not judge the other person's financial behavior.
This worked because when I saw my husband overspending on things I never would, I could relax because it was his money he was spending, and mine wasn't being wasted. When he saw me spend an hour figuring out how to stack coupons to get discounts when online shopping, he looked away because he knew it mattered a lot to me.
Moving into marriage with that mindset felt comforting. Now that we've been married for three years, I believe having our finances split has kept our relationship strong. Here's why.
Just because we keep our finances separate and manage our money individually, we are still very transparent with each other about our portfolios. It's important to me that we stay open with our finances to catch things like missed credit card payments or make sure the other person hasn't been caught up in habits like gambling or overshopping. While neither of us has ever gone down those roads, I've seen family and friends get lost in those things and destroy their finances.
At the end of every month, we sit down and do financial audits together. We review our credit card bills to analyze how much we spent and see if we can find any overcharges or subscriptions that need to be canceled.
We also go through our accounts (including savings, retirement, and investment) to see how the money is doing. We advise each other on how to better manage our money and discuss strategies that could work best. But after the conversation ends, each of us does what we want with our money until the meeting happens the next month.
For the most part, we split our joint spending or costs evenly. We pay the same amount for rent, utilities, and insurance premiums. When it comes to smaller shared costs, like take-out or household items, one of us usually picks up the tab. We don't keep track of who bought dinner or laundry detergent last. We just try to take turns and believe it all evens out over time.
However, during moments when I lost work as a solopreneur or had our baby and didn't have a day of maternity leave, we've been more flexible on splitting the bills. My husband covered more joint costs, like rent and utilities, and picked up 75% of the smaller costs. I didn't ask him to do this, but he knew that I couldn't work as much as he was, and he felt it was the right thing to do.
It took a big burden off of me during tough moments. Even now that I'm working 50% less to take on full-time childcare, he picks up most of the shared costs and pays a little more of the bigger shared costs, too.
Photo Credit: Susan Shek
When it comes to small purchases, like clothing, household items, or groceries, we both spend however much we're comfortable spending. But when it comes to bigger purchases, usually anything over $500, we have a rule that we both have to agree before making the decision.
For example, we're planning to move to a new apartment and need a few big-ticket furniture items like a new couch, mattress, and dresser. While we might not be able to agree on a budget for these items since I want to spend very little and my husband prioritizes quality, we have to be on the same page about an item before making the purchase. I liked a couch that was $650, and my husband liked one that was $3,250. We did some research and found one we both agreed on from a design, comfort, and price perspective for $975.
Our split financial plan worked well until we had a baby last year. As our shared costs grew, we decided it would be easier if we had one checking account and credit card that we used only for shared costs related to the baby.
To make this easier and avoid having it be a point of contention in our relationship, we calculated how much these costs are each month and decided to each send half that amount to the checking account on the first of the month. It's usually enough to cover the credit card bill, and any extra cash remains in that account as overflow money for future months when we might spend more.
It might seem like putting all of our money into the same account and having joint credit cards would be easier, but it wouldn't work for us. Since I'm hyper-focused on saving, I know that analyzing every transaction my husband made would make me anxious and angry at him.
Splitting shared costs and managing our finances separately while staying transparent about our money has allowed us to avoid arguing about this topic and has kept our relationship on a strong path.
