PULLING up at the driveway of a quiet suburban house on the outskirts of London, Joe Donor heads up the driveway before knocking once on the door.
On the other side is a husband and wife who desperately want a child – but, unfortunately, he underwent a vasectomy before meeting her.
So Joe has stepped in to provide the ultimate ‘gift’ – semen.
“I father children for women who can’t have them,” the 53-year-old American, now living in the UK, tells Fabulous as part of Life Stories, Fabulous’ new YouTube series which documents the extraordinary lives of ordinary people.
“I do it three ways: by having sex with the woman, by sending her an insemination kit via overnight courier or by dropping it off.”
You’d think almost all would opt for one of the latter two, especially those in relationships, but Joe estimates a significant proportion of women actually prefer to have sex with him.
But I’m a red-blooded man so it would be a bit weird if I didn’t enjoy the sex
Joe Donor
“It’s fewer than half but still a reasonable amount,” he says. “Sex is for making babies, of course, and I think they think it is more effective done naturally.”
Joe’s operated as a “private” donor for around 13 or 14 years.
This is not illegal in the UK, although he only takes expenses – for example travel costs.
Astonishingly, Joe – who has never revealed his real name – now has 180 children, the oldest being about to hit teenhood.
It’s important to me that the children know that, despite their unusual beginnings, they were wanted and I was interested in them.
Joe Donor
“I’ve had about 180 lifers [alive babies] and I’ve met about 60 of those children,” he says. “Some I meet on a weekly basis, the others live on the other side of the world. We WhatsApp or email.
“It’s important to me that the children know that, despite their unusual beginnings, they were wanted and I was interested in them.
“However, I always leave it up to the parents when they’re babies but as they get older I think it becomes more their choice.”
Joe’s “special hobby” takes up a lot of his time – he’s on call pretty much non-stop with women contacting him via Instagram.
“It’s like always being on call and, of course, that can affect other aspects of your life – this isn’t something people should get into if they have a 9pm to 5pm job,” he says.
“I’ll work around a woman’s ovulation time.”
It’s like always being on call and, of course, that can affect other aspects of your life – this isn’t something people should get into if they have a 9pm to 5pm job.
Joe Donor
Despite facing criticism in the media and onlin, Joe says he is not without feelings. “There’s a lot of intimacy around it,” he says. “I’m invested. I desperately want these families to get their baby. It can be emotionally draining for them and me.
“But I’m a red-blooded man so it would be a bit weird if I didn’t enjoy the sex.”
His clients include single women, lesbian couples and hetrosexual couples where the man cannot have children.
I’m basically a doctor sticking a tube between his wife’s legs – you have to look at it that way.
Joe Donor
“I have had situations where I’m having sex with a woman and her husband is in the next room but it’s not awkward,” he says. “I’m basically a doctor sticking a tube between his wife’s legs – you have to look at it that way.
“It’s quicker than IVF and less invasive.”
He started as a donor in around 2010 and now the majority of his friends are fellow donors who he met online.
Licensed clinics cannot pay donors more than £35 for a donation, but, while private donations are unregulated, it is not illegal for a recipient to pay a donor outside of the clinic setting
If you donate your sperm through a fertility clinic or a sperm bank, you won’t have any responsibilities or rights towards a child conceived using your semen.
However, as of April 2005, children conceived through sperm donation do have the right to ask for certain information about their donor once they reach the age of 16.
You can find the clinic that is best for you through the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) licensed clinic.
Every year, around 2,000 children are conceived with the help of a donor.
Donated sperm cannot be used to create more than 10 families, with no limits on the number of children born within each family.
“We feel a kinship and understand each other,” he explained. However, other people have been put off by it with Joe having few romantic relationships because he is unwilling to stop donating.
“If I find that ‘unicorn’ woman who stops me donating then I’ll stop,” he says. “Otherwise, I’m not sure when.”
He doesn’t draw up contracts with the mothers of his children but is on a few birth certificates. He pays child maintenance towards a few children in South America, but not many – admitting he couldn’t afford it for 180 children.
“Some people talk about a contract but because the child can’t be subject to the contract, it can’t be legally binding,” he claims.
Sure, some people might have a jaded view, but my family of 180 approve of me
Joe Donor
Overall he is happy to continue with his behaviour, despite people saying it’s reprehensible.
“I’m making life,” he says. “And there’s nothing wrong with that.
“Sure, some people might have a jaded view, but my family of 180 approve of me.”
*Joe Donor is not his real name
