The U.S. surgeon general is warning that parenting can be harmful for your mental health because mothers and fathers face dangerous levels of stress.
In an advisory issued Wednesday, Dr. Vivek Murthy said he is blessed to be a father of two, but he noted how difficult he finds parenting for himself and others. Being a dad is both the “toughest and most rewarding” job he’s ever had, Murthy said.
“The stresses parents and caregivers have today are being passed to children in direct and indirect ways, impacting families and communities across America,” he said.
In the advisory, Murthy said 41 percent of parents say they are so stressed most days they can’t function, and 48 percent say their stress is completely overwhelming compared to other adults.
Murthy argued that parents today are facing different challenges from older generations, including social media, an increasing youth mental health crisis and the “epidemic of loneliness” that impacts younger people and their parents.
Earlier this year, Murthy pushed to require social media to have labels for its mental health impacts on young Americans.
“In my conversations with parents and caregivers across America, I have found guilt and shame have become pervasive, often leading them to hide their struggles, which perpetuates a vicious cycle where stress leads to guilt which leads to more stress,” he said.
Murthy argued parents should be supported via policy changes and community programs, including time off for work to care for a sick child or affordable child care and mental health resources.
He also said the cultural norms about parenting need to change to support parents.
“The work of raising a child is work, no less valuable than the work performed in a paid job and of an extraordinary value when it comes to the impact on the future of society,” Murthy said.
Cultural norms should support parents talking more openly about their challenges and support for them when they do face them, he said.
“Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us,” Murthy said. “And the health and well-being of those who are caring for our children should matter to us as well.”
