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Before I was handed divorce papers, I never thought about child support.
I had been a stay-at-home mom of two kids in New York City before moving to my ex-husband's hometown in Texas. I wasn't prepared for all the changes that were going to come after, like him changing careers and wanting a divorce.
I also didn't know that child support is different in each state.
Depending on the state you live, there are three different models used to calculate child support. Texas uses The Percentage of Income Model, which means 20% for one child, 25% for two, and increases from there. However, in Texas, there is a cap on how much child support you can receive since there is a maximum limit on the monthly income of the noncustodial parent, which is capped at $9,200 a month. This means the most child support you can receive for two children, like I have, is $2,300 a month, no matter the income of the higher-earning party.
It should have been simple to calculate my ex's income, but it wasn't.
My ex had been in control of the money and did not share details with me when we were together, so I was out of the loop on what exactly his income was. Until the divorce process started, I figured his income throughout our 10 year marriage would be considered to calculate child support. I was wrong. Then, when he decided to become a business owner, it became problematic to input his true income during the divorce process.
My ex told me I didn't need much child support because he wanted to have more custody of the kids. I agreed to split time 50/50. Too late, I realized that time equals money. The more time he had with the kids, the less he was obligated to pay for child support.
With the stress of a high-conflict divorce boiling, I regrettably settled for child support of $500. It remained at this amount for the next three years.
My finances were crushed since I also mistakenly agreed to split a lot of the expenses for the kids, including health bills and childcare, which was a huge burden for my much lower income.
My regrets grew into thousands of dollars in debt because my life had been significantly disrupted, and it was very expensive to restart. For example, my ex refused to move out of our home, so I moved into a new apartment. I had to furnish a home and rebuy everything for my kids, all while handling the kids' day-to-day expenses. The measly child support felt nonexistent.
Even with my new job, I had very little savings and was living paycheck to paycheck with all my bills. Even though it would've been helpful to split the cost of school supplies, backpacks, clothing, shoes, and haircuts for the kids, our settlement agreement did not require him to provide more than the $500.
It took over three years and a court order to finally see my ex-husband's bank statements and monthly income. It meant I would be awarded over twice the amount of child support, $1200 a month, when we finally made it to mediation. This felt sort of like a relief, only I had a lot of lawyer bills, and debt kept racking up.
Most other states don't have a child support cap or maximums. I learned too late that where you get divorced matters when it comes to child support.
In New York, where we used to live, based on my ex's income, the child support calculator estimated I'd receive $40,500 a year. Even if I split that amount in half, it's still a lot more than what I receive in Texas.
In California there is not a fixed cap on the maximum amount of child support the paying parent pays per child. Based on my calculated estimate, living in The Golden State would mean receiving close to $2,000 a month in child support despite sharing time with the kids.
I'll admit that I need child support to maintain the increasing expenses of raising two kids. Usually, I put half toward my credit card that I used to buy things related to my kids from the month before, like clothing, groceries and gas for my car to take the kids to their activities. I'll put some toward the rent, haircuts, the kids' phone bill, maybe a deposit for a child's birthday party, maybe tickets for the science museum or a round of mini golf. Usually it's gone very quickly.
