There’s nothing quite as satisfying as gardening. Whether growing vegetables or adding color to your backyard, all you need to cultivate healthy plants is sun and water.
Except not that much sun. You don’t want to broil your plants. And lighten up on the water. You’re growing a garden, not a swamp.
Start with an easy plant. Zinnias. Geranium. Basil. They’re impossible to kill. Unless you introduce the wrong amount of water and sun.
Geraniums like full sun. Hostas thrive in partial shade. And arugula needs to be in full sun except when it prefers shade, which are usually Mondays or any day you decide to spend at the beach and neglect your garden.
Green beans, peppers, and tomatoes can be planted in pots. To maintain the perfect ecosystem for each, devote your days to rearranging their pots to optimize sun exposure like they’re teenagers trying to achieve the perfect tan without burning. Don’t forget to remind them every twenty-five minutes to drink water, even if they roll their eyes at you.
Water your plants first thing in the morning when it’s cool, unless they prefer to be watered during the hottest part of the day.
If a plant isn’t thriving, consider adding less water. You should only water your plants once or twice a week. Or three times a day, depending on how much water your plant decides it needs. Don’t let the water touch the plant, only the dirt. If water touches a leaf, the entire ecosystem will crumble.
Never use sink water on your plants. Only use filtered water or bottled water endorsed by a celebrity.
If you go on vacation during the summer, don’t. Your plants need to be watered at the same time on the same days while you wear the same outfit. If this ritual isn’t followed, they’ll revolt by losing all their flower buds on the day you host your in-laws for a barbecue. But again, with the perfect amount of water and sun, you’ll have a garden that’s worth skipping the trip to the Italian coast.
If it rains, water your plants as normal. Just reduce your water amount by a third for the first watering of the week and by seven-ninths if you’re watering on the third Thursday of a month that starts with J.
How can you tell if you’re overwatering your plants? You’ll notice the leaves are browning. A few stems may wilt. One day, you’ll walk outside, and your plant will be splayed dead in the dirt with no warning at all.
You should continue to water dead plants for a week so you feel less guilty throwing them out.
Once you have the watering down, add in fertilizer. You’ll also need cages to nurture your cherry tomatoes. All of this will require 763 trips to your local gardening center. But with just a little effort, a $430 investment, and hours neglecting all other responsibilities while you coax plants, you can add a few sprigs of slightly browned homegrown basil to any summer salad.
In the winter, you can take a break.
All you need to do is plan your garden for next year, clean, sharpen, and replenish your tools, rebuild raised beds, weed, overhaul your drip system, and start seedlings by providing them with the exact amount of sun and water.
Then, all you’ll need to do come summer is add sun and water.
Except not that much sun. And definitely less water.
