DEAR DEIDRE: When I split up with my long-term partner, I started to question his past behaviour.
He was often controlling and used to have sex with me, even when I didn’t want it – which led to horrible flashbacks.
I blamed myself for letting him and not being more vocal.
I’m 42 and he’s 45. We were together for 10 years.
I wrote to you because I was so confused. He was trying to win me back, saying I clearly had mental health problems.
You told me I shouldn’t doubt myself. What he had done was rape and when he said I had mental health problems, he was gaslighting me.
You sent me your support pack about Rape and about Abusive Partners, and recommended I contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk, tel: 0808 2000 247).
In addition, you suggested counselling to help me talk things through.
Your response was so kind and thoughtful, and really helped me to clarify things. You also followed up to see how I was.
I have now walked away from that relationship and am looking into therapy.
Thank you, Deidre.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve done the right thing in leaving your ex behind. Now you need to give yourself time to heal.
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