Planning my bachelorette party was … complicated. I’d envisioned Palm Springs, California, for a girls’ weekend, and had all the activities in mind. Although it’s typical for friends to plan the bachelorette party, I quickly realized that most of the girls were busy and preoccupied with their own lives, and unless I took charge, it wouldn’t get done. But the unraveling of the vision began when I put my 10 girlfriends in a group chat to coordinate. At first, everyone was on board, but things slowly became more chaotic. One by one, friends started dropping out, and I wasn’t feeling happy or joyful about planning all of it. I felt stressed and overwhelmed.
Eventually I got to a breaking point and said, “You know what, I’m going to take myself on a weekend getaway because I feel like I need it.” Planning a wedding is stressful enough on its own and the added pressure of wrangling 10 girls to go on a trip seemed pointless. I became more of an angsty travel agent than a carefree bride-to-be and decided to make my bachelorette party a self-care moment that was all about me.
Putting yourself first can feel selfish, but I realized taking time for myself was important for my mental health. I wanted to reflect on my next chapter. Bachelorette parties have turned into an “it’s my last moment of being single” kind of thing, but I wanted to celebrate becoming a wife, not mourn my single life while dealing with a hangover.
Instead of flying across the country, I chose a stunning hotel in Palm Beach, Florida, only a 1 ½-hour drive from my home in Miami, which was perfect. It was quaint and peaceful, with a wellness retreat vibe.
I was a little nervous because it was my first solo trip. The first dinner was the hardest. I felt like I was going to be judged for sitting alone at a nice restaurant — just me solo at the table. But I quickly talked myself out of that mindset with a little pep talk. “This is what you chose, what you wanted and what is peaceful to you,” I said over and over to myself. Once I got over the hill of that first night at dinner, the rest was a breeze. Saturday was a full beach day where I hung out by the ocean under an umbrella, where I had drinks and lunch. I swam, journaled, reflected and of course, took a whole bunch of pictures for TikTok. Sunday was all about the pool starting with brunch in the morning and a cool DJ into the afternoon. It built up my confidence to be in my own company and to enjoy my own company. I think it’s important to like hanging out with yourself so you don’t always have to rely on others to satisfy you. It made me understand how important solo trips can be to revive and rejuvenate.
Before meeting my fiancé and getting engaged, I was single for three years because I wanted to take those years to focus on my personal and career growth. I hoped to become a better version of me. On my solo bachelorette, I wanted to honor how far I’d come and how much I’d grown. It wasn’t a weekend to commemorate the end of being single. I was ready to get married — really ready!
At first, my fiancé was unsure about my decision to go solo. He asked a lot of questions: Are other women doing the same thing? Was I sure? Is this really what I wanted to do? He thought it was a little weird. But once he understood my thought process, he came around and was totally supportive. He was just looking out for me and wanted to be sure that my experience was memorable and something that I would actually enjoy. He didn’t want me to have any regrets. That said, he’s taking the traditional bachelor party route and celebrating with seven of his friends on a trip to Scottsdale, Arizona.
My friends, on the other hand, weren’t surprised or upset at my decision to celebrate solo. In fact, they encouraged and loved the idea. They know that once I make a decision, I stick to it, so they didn’t try to change my mind. It’s funny how it aligns with my decision to not to have any bridesmaids either. So luckily, there were no grudges or bad blood.
If any other brides-to-be are in the same predicament, I would tell them: Listen to your gut. And if a solo vibe is what you want, go for it. I documented my experience on TikTok because I wanted to give permission to any brides-to-be who might be feeling the same way I felt to choose themselves first. I don’t want anyone else to feel pressure to have a wild bachelorette weekend if it’s not what they want. My videos definitely resonated because they started to go viral and people left comments about similar personal stories and what they’ve been through. I loved reading through these comments because I realized I made the right choice, and that I’m potentially helping other women feel less alone.
With wedding planning, there can be a lot of cooks in the kitchen with different opinions about how you should do things, but ultimately you have to do what makes you happy. My chill bachelorette is what did it for me. There is nothing I would have done differently — except to skip the group planning and opt for a solo adventure from day one.
This article was originally published on TODAY.com
