As the years go on, some of us find dating that little bit more difficult – due to complicating factors like previous marriages, children, and even grandchildren. But the good news is that dating as an older person is also becoming less taboo – partly thanks to shows like the Golden Bachelor, which showcased singles who were over 50, divorced, widowed, parents and grandparents.
With this in mind, HuffPost UK spoke exclusively with dating expert, Dr. Marie Thouin, mindful dating and relationship expert, about the joys of dating over 50, and how to rejoin the dating world in an era of dating apps.
Dr Thoulin: “A common misconception is that people are not likely to find meaningful love or intimacy after 50. This is false!
“Many folks experience the best relationships of their lives after 50. Why? They know themselves better, are more loyal to themselves, and have learned to communicate their needs, desires and boundaries with radical honesty. These hard-earned skills yield a quality of intimacy that might have been out of reach in younger years—when folks were still absorbed in approval-seeking and conformist behaviours.
“Unfortunately, fears around ‘post-50 scarcity’ are especially challenging for women—because so many societal scripts point to a woman’s value being tied to her youth. However, many women report that their 50s bring about a renewed sense of liberation, erotic confidence, and personal freedom—which are the best possible foundation for a thriving dating life. Besides, many people who love women will prefer to date a self-assured, liberated woman, versus a younger but more insecure one. ”
Dr Thoulin: “First, people coming out of long marriages should NOT see their past relationships as failures.
“We live in a society that tells us that if a relationship didn’t last until someone’s death, it was a “failed relationship” or a “failed marriage”. Sadly, divorced people often struggle with internalised shame about not having been able to “make things work,” and an accompanying sense of personal failure or inadequacy around their relationship history.
“Let’s be clear: the vast majority of relationships, even the best ones, do NOT last forever. Having been in a committed partnership that ended is no reflection on your personal value. In fact, divorce and heartbreak can help you clarify who you are and what you truly want (and don’t want!) in your next relationship.
“Mindful dating can be an opportunity to rewrite one’s personal narrative and practice connecting with new people with an open mind and heart. While many people over 50 are intimidated by the prevalence of online dating, it can be a great terrain to practice relational skills and self-discovery. I recommend including other avenues for meeting people as well—such as participating in social clubs, hobbies, classes, activism, or whatever brings out your spark and sense of wonder as a human being.”
Dr Thoulin: “I’d say you are ready to date again when you feel there is space in your heart to have a meaningful intimate connection with another human being. That can look a variety of different ways, however: The beauty of modern dating is the understanding that there is no one-size-fits-all to love—you might feel open to going on a date, but no need to feel as if you’re embarking on a relationship escalator. You are allowed to explore at whatever pace feels right. Just be open and honest with people you meet!
“I also encourage widowed folks to prioritise community bonds. Any major loss is heartbreaking, and healing takes love—through as many sources as possible: friendships, family support, meaningful connections, and trusted counsel. Whether or not you feel ready to date, remember that living with an open heart is the most precious gift you can offer the world and yourself!”
