Dear Christine, I BRIEFLY DATED a man three years ago. The break-up hurt me deeply, but when he reached out a few months later to apologise, I forgave him and life went on. We ended up being a part of the same sports club and competing in some events together – he as my partner.
We soon fell back into some sort of “semisituationship”. We have dinners together, we share rooms together when we travel, and he tells me he loves me and I tell him the same.
However, there is not much going on with us.
We don’t appear to be heading anywhere.
Mess with my head
This situation is really starting to mess with my head, but I do not want to cause waves among our friendship group at the club and create scenes.
Please help me.
– W.B.
Dear W.B., If the current situation is messing with your head, change the situation. You can start with lower impact, less disruptive changes, like not returning the “I love you” sentiments. You can also stop having dinners together and stop sharing rooms together.
Murky boundaries
If your ex asks why the change, be honest and say that the murky boundaries you share, combined with unresolved feelings from your break-up, are keeping you from feeling great about the “semi-situationship”.
Tell him you want to be in a real relationship with him.
If these changes do not do the trick, or if they “cause waves” within your friendship group, then you will need to employ bigger changes, which may include dropping out of the sports club and/or finding a new group of friends (perhaps through a different sports club).
You should never feel like you need to compromise your sense of comfort or make yourself smaller in order to appease friends. True friends would want you to prioritise your emotional well-being, and would respect the boundaries you need to create to do so.
– CHRISTINE
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