DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT I was married to a caring and loyal family man, but then I discovered he has slept with hookers hundreds of times.
I’m 52, my husband is 56 and we’ve been married for 25 years. We have two grown-up children.
I knew something was amiss when I was checking bank statements and noticed some abnormal transactions.
My husband often travels abroad for work but when he does he will usually use a company charge card.
But this time when he was away in Amsterdam there were deductions from our joint account.
I was not really worried until I noticed one of the payments included the words “De Wallen”, which I know is the city’s red light district.
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As soon as I realised what that meant, my heart sank.
When he got home I confronted him and to my surprise he came clean straight away.
He broke down crying and admitted that he’d been sleeping with prostitutes for years. When I asked him how many times he said he didn’t know but that it was more than likely in the hundreds.
The worst part is that while he said he’d slept with many different women, he said he’d gone back to the same two countless times.
I know that my menopause had deeply affected our sex life, but never in a million years did I expect him to betray me like this. Now he’s begging forgiveness and promising he’ll never do it again.
The last thing I want is to leave him, but I haven’t been able to look at him the same since.
How can we come back from this.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband has betrayed you and it has clearly destroyed your faith in him.
Before you consider moving forward, you must talk to him and find out what he feels he is missing in your relationship. You mentioned the menopause had impacted your sex life, so has he been missing intimacy?
However, if there is any chance of fixing things, he will have to work to prove he’s worthy of your trust. Make it clear to him that he has one chance and mean it, otherwise you are resigning yourself to a depressing future.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help. Consider working through your feelings with couple counselling, which you can arrange through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975).
