SITTING in a deck chair in my garden, enjoying a cool drink, I am as relaxed as can be.
It has been a hard day with the grandkids and I’m craving some much-needed “me” time after doing the laundry.
Suddenly, smoke billows over the fence, turning my white sheets a dusty black.
“Kevin, come here!”, I bark at my 63-year-old husband of 22 years, as I frantically bring in the washing.
People who barbecue without any thought to what their neighbours might be doing are number one on my “most hated” list when it comes to summer faux pas.
What harm can it do to knock on your neighbours’ doors and say, “I’m having a barbecue, just in case you wanted to bring your laundry in”?
I’m aware of how far smoke travels, so I would never barbecue. Instead, I pop the food in the oven before we eat on the decking.
I’m not alone in this mindset, with one Mumsnet user recently revealing she had posted on her local Facebook group before putting her washing out, asking people not to barbecue.
“I got totally piled on,” she wrote. “I only asked them to be considerate and check their surroundings/give fair warning first.”
She was laughed at, but I think she sounds rational. It’s a policy I might adopt in my neighbourhood WhatsApp group.
I regularly message the chat about bin collection times and chastise people if they have done something untoward, like let their hedge become overgrown.
Some say I’m nosy — I say I’m caring. Summer is one of the worst times of year for bad behaviour and I encounter it on a daily basis as I walk around Cardiff, where I live.
When I learned neighbours of England footie ace Phil Foden, who lives in Cheshire, had reportedly called the police after a kids’ party ran on until midnight, I can’t say I was surprised.
The merest hint of heat and the first whiff of sun cream seem to turn even the most sensible people bonkers.
But it is not just barbecues and late-night parties that get on my goat. I have a real bugbear with summer garden accessories, too.
People head to the shops in their droves, spending thousands on outdoor items they will only be able to use for three days a year.
I cringe at the sight of grills, umbrellas, inflatables, neon signs and hot tubs cluttering gardens.
Summer is one of the worst times of year for bad behaviour and I encounter it on a daily basis as I walk around Cardiff
The first time you find out someone nearby has bought a constantly-humming hot tub is when you hear arguments as it is installed.
Then the splashing and shouting starts, often accompanied by Bluetooth speakers playing migraine-inducing music. It is antisocial and just plain hideous.
Who wants to see a man’s pale, flabby form clamber out of a tub for another beer?
I have passed homes in the area before, heard these shenanigans and politely popped my head over the fence to ask them to “keep it down” — but have been told to “shut up”.
One person said: “We’re living our best life.” Really? Getting drunk in warm water with God knows how much bacteria lurking in it is your “best life”?
Another hellish summer problem is balls that have been kicked over the fence. It happens all the time and I’m sick of it.
Now, if I see a ball in my garden, I just leave it. It might annoy kids, but it is a good lesson in playing carefully.
When I was growing up, we didn’t have a seemingly endless supply of balls and, if we accidentally threw one over a neighbours’ fence, we had to politely knock and ask for it. It wasn’t a given that it would be returned, so we were careful.
And it’s not just that. Random children dump their bikes in my front garden as if they own it.
Others brandish hosepipes like weapons and I have been caught in the crossfire more than once.
Their parents just laugh and say, “Kids, eh?”, but if I turned the tables and sprayed them, then all hell would break loose. And don’t get me started on trampolines.
People need to learn there will be repercussions if they don’t behave
The repetitive bounce, bounce, bounce and the shrieking ruins the peace.
I don’t think children should be allowed out before 9.30am or after 7pm, and I will chastise any who are playing outside too late, asking them, “Shouldn’t you be home with your parents?”.
I would never be in the garden past 9.30pm and consider it the height of rudeness to chat with friends outside until the early hours.
People have their windows open and no one needs to hear gossip about so-and-so while they’re trying to get shut-eye.
If people are making too much noise past midnight, I will call the police. I head up the local Neighbourhood Watch and I know what is going on.
When the noise is too loud or kids misbehave, I will stop taking in parcels for those involved. People know I’m serious.
I believe I’m speaking for the silent majority, and people need to learn there will be repercussions if they don’t behave.
