DEAR ABBY: My older sister and I are educated professionals in our late 40s. We reside in different states.
Our father’s cognitive function and mobility are deteriorating, so my parents sold their large home in another state to downsize and move to a senior community near me. Living near me is a logical choice: I am attentive and reliable — I have often assisted them and my in-laws in the past — and the area in which I live is affordable.
My sister has chosen to view my parents’ move as their choosing me over her.
First she stopped speaking to me. When I texted and asked why I hadn’t heard from her, she said my texts “weren’t high on her list of priorities.” In another exchange, she told me she hoped my husband, who is being treated for a heart condition, dies before he can vote.
Then she stopped speaking to our parents. During their last email exchange, she told my mother to cry on the shoulder of the “daughter she chose.”
My sister has treated me similarly in the past, but she has never before shut out our parents. She used to call them often, and they miss talking to her.
I’m not sure reconciling is an option, but it is difficult to witness her being so cruel during this time of extreme stress. What are your thoughts?
— SIBLING DRAMA IN GEORGIA
DEAR DRAMA: Your sister’s attempts to punish you and your parents for the decision they made has only reinforced that they made the correct one.
I am sorry she has been so successful in inflicting pain on all of you because none of you deserve her over-the-top reaction. By shunning you, she has succeeded only in isolating herself from those who care for her.
DEAR ABBY: I met a man from another country through the internet last year.
In the beginning, we talked every day via video chat. We share much in common. We never have a problem keeping our conversations going, and we pick up on each other’s emotions and needs without even trying.
Our communication is less frequent now that our relationship is maturing. With this newfound freedom from the phone, I’m starting to question how wise it is to continue pursuing a future together.
Although we have never met in person, I feel he is trustworthy and absolutely wonderful, and I would even go so far as to say he’s my soulmate.
The questions that are always in the back of my mind, though, are: Am I crazy for thinking this is the real deal? Is it too good to be true? And if I don’t pursue this further, am I missing my only opportunity for a lasting love?
— MATCHED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MATCHED: This is not your “only” opportunity for lasting love. Whether this is the real deal or too good to be true remains to be seen. Because you found this match online, you need to be cautious.
If it’s possible, arrange to visit him in his country, which will give you the opportunity to meet his family and friends and observe his living situation.
If he is genuine, he should welcome it. If he is hesitant, however, regard it as a significant red flag.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
