Scenario 1: You meet a guy, there’s mutual interest, he’s pursuing you, and everything feels great. Just as you start to let your guard down and let him in, he seems to step back and stop pursuing you.
Scenario 2: You meet a guy and feel mildly intrigued. He’s super into you and goes all out to pursue you. You decide to give him a chance and start to really like him, but now he doesn’t seem as into it and isn’t chasing you like before. Now, you feel like a complete fool. What happened?
The Good News: It’s possible that nothing is wrong and you’re creating this drama in your head. There are reasons why a guy might stop chasing after you, and it’s not always because he’s losing interest.
Real Reasons Why He Stopped Chasing:
- He Caught You: The most obvious reason is that he caught you! You’re hooked, invested, and in it. Guys don’t chase things they don’t think they have to chase. The chase isn’t sustainable, and a real relationship can’t be built on one person constantly pursuing the other. The initial pursuit is exciting but it’s just a means to an end, not a destination.He might feel more comfortable with you now and is settling into a more normal, sustainable routine. This is good news as it means you’re moving to the next phase in the relationship where things become more real. However, avoid going all in too quickly, especially if you haven’t established what you are yet.
- You’re Too Invested: Initially, he was more invested, but now you’re the one who’s all in. Nothing will make a guy pump the brakes faster than feeling pressured by your investment. It seems unfair because he was pursuing you so much at the beginning, but if you go all in, it can make him feel pressured.In the beginning, his behavior is more about getting you to like him rather than a reflection of his true feelings. If you assume he’s serious about you just because of his initial pursuit, he’ll think, “Woah, I like her but I’m not ready to be so serious right now!” This can cause him to pull away, making you chase the relationship.Guys need the freedom to choose you. When your level of commitment far surpasses his, his choice is gone, and usually, his interest goes with it.
- He’s Losing Interest: It’s possible that after getting to know you, he realized it’s not a match. It feels like the rug was pulled out from under you, but it’s not necessarily something you did.When a guy really likes you, it takes a lot to turn him off. He probably just realized you weren’t for him, and this has nothing to do with your worthiness.
- You Aren’t Connecting with Him: Obsessing over him and worrying about the relationship isn’t the same as connecting with him. When you’re overly concerned about losing him, you focus on signs, good or bad, which block you from forming a meaningful connection.Instead of seeing him as a person, he becomes a means to validate your existence. It’s crucial not to engage with thoughts that don’t serve you well or take you where you want to go.
- You Are Treating Him Like the Prize: Initially, you were the prize he was trying to win over. Once you start doubting his feelings and fearing losing him, he becomes the prize. This shifts the dynamic and can throw everything off balance.Both partners should feel like they won the lottery. If you lack self-worth, you might sabotage good things when they come into your life.
Advice on Having a Guy Chase You (or Chase You Again):
- Don’t Make Him the Center of Your Attention: It’s fine to be interested, but avoid crossing the line into obsession, which sends out a needy vibe.
- Keep Busy: Stay engaged with meaningful activities that bring you joy and make you feel connected to yourself. This helps reduce the chance of obsessing over him.
- Keep Your Mind Under Control: Don’t engage with obsessive thoughts or fears of losing him. It’s not easy, but guys can sense when you’re overly accommodating. The more you obsess over him, the more likely you’ll repel him.
Understanding these dynamics can help you navigate relationships more effectively and maintain a healthy balance.
