Plus: How can I politely ask if she has enough money for the trip?
DEAR ABBY: The daughter of a friend is getting married and sent an email announcement with a link to watch a livestream of the ceremony.
I have never been invited to not attend an event before, and frankly, my feelings are hurt. (My husband was an incredible artist. Should I send a livestream of others enjoying his work in person?)
Does etiquette require I send a wedding gift? I would’ve understood not being invited if they were keeping it a small affair, but inviting a widow to witness a friend’s emotional, romantic moment in the solitude of her home seems cruel.
Am I out of touch with what is socially acceptable?
— NOT GOING IN TEXAS
DEAR NOT GOING: If the wedding is being held some distance from where you live, then the invitation to livestream was probably an attempt to be considerate. Today, many meaningful events are livestreamed, including funerals and memorials.
If you would find watching the ceremony depressing and prefer not to “tune in,” then don’t do it.
And, no, you are not required to send a gift. (A sweet e-card congratulating the couple would be a nice gesture.)
DEAR ABBY: My brother is married to a very nice woman. It’s the second marriage for both, and they both work, although they do not handle money well. They have traveled to family events and ended up running out of money for meals, car rentals, etc.
My sister-in-law heard about a girls trip my daughters-in-law, a few close friends and I will be taking. She has invited herself along, and I don’t know how to politely tell her she can’t come unless she has the money up front to pay her share.
It would kill me to hurt her feelings. Please advise.
— RESPONSIBLE LADY OUT WEST
DEAR LADY: Who has paid for the food and car rentals that this couple didn’t have the money to cover? Were those relatives ever reimbursed?
Unless you want to foot the bill for your SIL on this trip (to which she has invited herself), you’ll have to summon up the courage to tell her you will under no circumstances be doing that.
If her feelings are hurt when you state the obvious (that you are not a pushover), so be it.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 79-year-old woman. I have had a friend since high school who is five months younger than I am.
A few weeks, sometimes months, before my birthday rolls around, she’ll come out with comments about her being several months younger. These comments hover between sarcastic and just plain mean.
I think she thinks she’s being clever, but after many years of this, it is no longer funny. When she makes a comment this year about my big birthday, what could my comeback be, in essence, telling her to knock it off?
— SAME AGE IN FLORIDA
DEAR SAME AGE: How about this, spoken with a smile of course: “Oh, honey, age is only a number. My birthday may come before yours, but you are right behind me. I’m trying out the number before you get there. At this point, I consider each day a blessing, and so should you.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
