DEAR DEIDRE: My wife’s best friend has played me like a fool. I let her manipulate me and now my marriage is completely dead in the water.
Everything unravelled when she turned up at my door. She seemed so upset as she explained she felt morally compelled to tell me my wife was having an affair.
I confronted my wife and was shocked when she admitted she had been having a sexual affair with an old boyfriend.
I’m a man of 47 and my wife and her friend are both 44.
My wife left that night. We were both so upset and I so regret that I didn’t take the chance to tell her I loved her and wanted to work it through.
At that time my wife had been receiving stacks of hate mail but from the moment she moved out, it all stopped.
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Instead my wife’s friend became my confidante. She would constantly turn up and cook for me. Within six months, we became lovers.
She cut off my wife completely, calling her “vile” and “disgusting”.
My wife did warn me her friend could be a manipulative troublemaker but I paid no attention.
Then one day my lover was having problems with transferring data to a new phone and asked for help.
While I was syncing her phone I noticed a file labelled with my wife’s name. Opening the file I was shocked to see copies of all the hate mail. I haven’t said a word to her as yet.
She still turns up at my house like a smiling assassin.
I’ve recently discovered my wife’s affair is over and I’d love to see if we can work things through.
On reflection, I can’t blame her for finding love elsewhere. I wasn’t a very considerate husband.
I wonder if she’d have me back?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Have some courage. It’s got to be worth reaching out to your wife. She betrayed you hugely but if you are both willing to talk through what went wrong, your marriage has a chance.
Whether you and your wife can rekindle your marriage or not, the time has come to kick this other dishonest relationship into touch.
Tell your lover what you found and explain you can’t be with someone so destructive.
Explain to your wife you feel you have both made mistakes but some couples’ counselling may help you to salvage your marriage.
My support pack called Cheating – Can You Get Over It will help.
