DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50-year-old man, married for 17 years with two kids. I have a mostly good marriage, but I have been noticing things that bother me. Almost daily, my wife seems to insult me or make a sarcastic comment.
I work long hours because of the nature of my job, which my wife claims I am a slave to. Whenever I get a raise, my wife says, "Is that all?" She never seems happy with what I make. We're in debt, but she works part time at what she calls a "princess job" that pays well per hour, but she works only three days a week. Sometimes, however, she doesn't work for months.
My wife seems uninterested in anything I try to tell her that isn't about her. While she cooks, I handle most of the other chores. I have grown less content with my situation recently, although I admit I'm not without my faults. This has me wondering if there's something wrong with me. I wonder, if I can't make my wife happy, would I be able to make ANYone happy?
A friend told me he thinks I have been mentally abused for years. Could it be true? There are times when things feel fine. This is embarrassing to ask, but HAVE I really been abused? Has it been going on for a long while and I'm just noticing it now? — LESS THAN HAPPY IN MICHIGAN
DEAR LESS THAN: Your friend may have a point. It's not just women who are subjected to spousal abuse; it happens to men, too. Your wife is hardly supportive if she snipes at you on a daily basis and refuses to recognize your achievements at work.
I wish you had mentioned why you and your wife are in debt. It may contribute to the stress that has been happening in your marriage. While I hesitate to advise you to take on any more expenses, it might benefit you to talk with a licensed counselor, whether it be for you and your wife, or you alone.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 16. She has been with her boyfriend, who is 18, for a year. She says she loves him, but she doesn't want to go on dates. She also doesn't like to give him hugs (the only type of affection that is shown). I have told her it's OK if she doesn't like him like that, and it's OK to not have a boyfriend at all. She says she doesn't want to talk about it.
I am concerned because this isn't normal. He gets to see her only when she allows him to come to our house. She could go weeks without seeing him and be OK. He is so in love with my daughter that I don't think he will ever end their relationship. I just want her to be happy, and she doesn't seem to be. I try to let her figure things out herself, but her dad and I are at a loss. How can we help her? — SOMETHING'S OFF IN OHIO
DEAR OFF: You and your husband should stay out of this. This is your daughter's problem (if there IS a problem) to resolve. She may like this young man only as a friend, or she may be taking her time figuring out where her true feelings lie. Once she does, SHE will end it. If her boyfriend (I use this term advisedly) wants more than he's receiving, he will eventually draw the line himself.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
