DEAR DEIDRE: My relationship is toxic and my fiancée, who has cheated on me five times, is now demanding I marry her.
I know I need to leave, but she is using our child to emotionally blackmail me – and I’m not strong enough to walk away.
I’m 40 and she’s 38. We have a seven-year-old son.
Four years ago, while I was going through a difficult time after losing my job, I stupidly cheated on her with an ex.
It was a terrible error of judgement and I confessed immediately, apologising with my whole heart. At first, she seemed to have forgiven me.
But since then, it’s clear she has been set on revenge.
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She’s punished me by being emotionally and verbally abusive. She has also cheated repeatedly with various men – I’ve counted at least five in her phone messages – staying out all night and coming home with ridiculous excuses.
Understanding that her cheating was pay-back, I asked her to stop, saying I’d learned my lesson, and five men was too many.
Instead, she gaslighted me, denying the affairs, and asking why we still weren’t married.
She claims it’s embarrassing for our son that we aren’t and I need to prove my commitment to him too.
I think she only wants to marry me so nobody else can have me.
The truth is, I no longer want to marry her. I don’t even like her.
I know I need to end the relationship but I don’t know how to. And I don’t want to lose my son.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Marriage won’t fix a toxic relationship, it’ll only make it worse and more difficult to leave.
You’re deeply unhappy, and if she’s honest with herself, so is she.
Worse, this isn’t good for your son either, who must sense the tension between you.
Tell her you need to talk and make it clear you’re not going to get married.
Appeal to her love for your son and ask if you can try to end things amicably for his sake.
My support pack, Ending A Relationship, should help you do this.
Suggest you have mediation, which will allow you to split while putting your son’s needs first. Find out more from National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk).
You can still be a good father to your son. Contact Families Need Fathers for advice (fnf.org.uk, tel: 0300 0300 363).
