A researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy reveals the four behaviors psychopaths engage in when in romantic relationships that give them away.
In numerous studies, people with a higher level of psychopathic traits display a reduced aversiveness to negative or fear-based images and stimuli. According to other research, they also show more activation in parts of the brain related to empathy for themselves when imagining themselves experiencing pain and show little activation in parts of the brain indicating empathy for others when envisioning other people enduring painful scenarios. Psychopathic people also display activation in parts of the brain related to reward when envisioning other people in pain, and psychologists suggest this may be an indication that they gain sadistic pleasure from inflicting pain on others. This can play out in different ways during the relationship. Sometimes a psychopathic partner can issue cruel, degrading insults that have nothing to do with the true nature of the person they’re in a relationship with. For example, they may tell their supermodel wife that she is gaining weight to instill insecurity and ensure she doesn’t look elsewhere for a better partner or tell their successful lawyer husband that they’re a “loser” to incentivize him to bring in more profits to leech off of. This acts as a way to maintain power and control over their partner while also belittling their partners for their own enjoyment.
People in romantic relationships with psychopaths note an unsettling brazenness and lack of remorse with which psychopaths operate when they pursue other partners outside of their main relationship. This may in part be due to the way their brain operates differently when it comes to seeking out dopamine and novelty, their propensity for boredom and sensation-seeking, as they often dispose of their partners callously in the rush of a new pursuit of a new victim they can love bomb. They also lack emotional permanence and relational object constancy — in laymen’s terms, for them, “out of sight” is truly out of mind. If you’re not the current target of their latest fixation, you may as well disappear into the wallpaper, even if they love bombed and obsessed over you ardently in the beginning for months or even years.
In alignment with their sadism, psychopathic partners might even manufacture a problem that doesn’t exist (as confirmed by other people in their life) in their dating partners to destabilize them or instill insecurity especially if they sense these dating partners are out of their league. Survivors of psychopaths and narcissists have told me they’ve been accused of everything from snoring when they don’t, to mispronouncing words they pronounced correctly, or even having some kind of facial flaw or imaginary body odor they don’t have to make them feel undesirable, especially if they were considered more attractive and desirable than their psychopathic partners in society.
Psychopaths as well as narcissists deliberately provoke jealousy on purpose for a few different reasons: to gain power and control, exact revenge, and test the relationship. In some cases, they can also do so to compensate for insecurity, but that is moreso the case with the secondary subtype of psychopathy (which is more of an impulsive, insecure, hot-headed subtype than the more “cool headed” confident and grandiose primary psychopath). That is why you might have a psychopath who flaunts taking a new partner on the same dates or vacations they took you on or promised to take you on, or rudely talks about who they’re attracted to in front of you with much audacity and enthusiasm. For most empathic people, this would be outrageous behavior. For psychopaths, this is their default way of being.
