DEAR DEIDRE: Since marrying my husband I’ve had no control over any of my finances.
I’m 43, he’s 50 and we’ve been together for six years.
Until we got married last year we lived separately, so kept our funds separately.
When we finally moved in together he suggested we get a joint bank account, and since he paid all of our bills and mortgage payments, in my mind it made sense.
However, since we opened it he has paid nothing into it and instead transfers most of my wages out of it every time I get paid.
He says he needs it for the bills and that I’m overreacting, but every month I run short and I always end up having to ask for money.
To make matters worse he constantly shames me and makes me feel terrible for asking for money, and on several occasions has refused completely.
I rarely leave the house without him because most of the time I can’t afford to.
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DEIDRE SAYS: If your husband is controlling your money, then this is financial abuse.
Forcing you to depend on him and removing your ability to support yourself is a common tactic used by abusers to gain power and control in a relationship. I’m attaching my support pack Abusive Partners to help you come to terms with this.
Knowing where to go from here won’t be easy, but getting help is the first step. Turn2us (www.turn2us.org.uk, 0808 802 2000) is a great charity that helps those in financial need.
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