Vanessa Williams is reflecting on a painful moment in her past.
In a new interview, Williams - who was the first Black woman to win the title of Miss America - opened up about the nude photo scandal that rocked her world and eventually resulted in her resignation.
"There was a tremendous amount of onus, pressure, shame [and] judgment," she told People magazine. "I took all that on as a 21-year-old. It was global. You can fail quietly, but that was a worldwide fail."
FORMER MISS AMERICA VANESSA WILLIAMS RETURNING TO PAGEANT AFTER THREE DECADES
While working as a receptionist for a New York City model agency photographer in her 20s, Williams posed nude for the photos with the understanding that they would only appear in silhouette. However, shortly after being crowned Miss America in 1984, the model and mom of four learned those photos had been sold to Penthouse magazine.
Reflecting on the challenging moment in time, Williams said she is now able to give herself "grace."
"I look back at my 19-to 20-year-old self and think, ‘Oh my God you were so naive, so trusting, so vulnerable,’" she told the outlet. "In your mind you think, ‘I’m old, I know what I’m doing.’ I give myself grace now, but as a young adult, I beat myself up, like ‘I should have known better.’"
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Williams, who is starring as Miranda Priestly – the role originated by Meryl Streep – in London’s upcoming musical adaptation of "The Devil Wears Prada," said her four adult children often wonder how she was able to overcome the traumatic events.
"They're all older than I was now, but the fact that I became famous at 20 years old relative to their lives and having death threats and having to go through breaking a huge hurdle and what the repercussions of that was," she said.
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"[They're like] 'Wow, how did you handle all this mom at 20?' Then I look back at my 20-year-old self and say, 'My God, I was a baby.'"
In 2016, the award-winning actress and singer returned to the pageant as head judge for the competition.
Sam Haskell, executive chairman and CEO of the Miss America Organization, said his friendship with Williams started way before the photo scandal.
"I have been friends with Vanessa for 32 years," he told The Associated Press in 2015, ahead of her return. "When the photos were published, there were people urging her to fight, but close supporters knew if she lost that fight that she would be completely removed from the history books. Instead of pursuing what would surely have been a long and stressful legal battle, Vanessa decided to resign and focus on her career. Vanessa and her family were hurt during the aftermath of the resignation, and that saddened me."
Haskell had been trying for a decade to bring Williams back to the Miss America stage, but 2016 was the first year the logistics could be arranged.
"Vanessa's career speaks for itself, with all the success that she has had," Haskell said. "When I became chairman of Miss America, one of the first calls I made was to Vanessa, to try to find a way to get her to come back. Her return as a huge success is a way for us all to move forward and put the past behind us. It's truly an honor to welcome her back to the Miss America Pageant."
Throughout her career, Williams has earned three Emmy nominations, a Tony Award nomination, seven NAACP Image Awards and four Satellite Awards. She received a star on The Hollywood Walk of fame in 2007.
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
