With the Paris Olympics this summer in France, we've been thinking about America's favorite "French" food.
There's no argument — it is the french fry (even though they're actually from Belgium, but nobody seems to talk about that).
Crispy, greasy, salty and savory; the calorie-packed side dish pleases palates from Nevada to Maine. With a side of ketchup or aioli, it's hard to contend that fries are anything less than excellent.
There is, however, cause for debate around which particular french fry is best.
Because, unlike its historic predecessor in Belgium, the American fry comes in many different shapes.
Here are the major ones — and what we think of them.
The standard fry shape, straight fries are what Americans think of when they envision a generic spud.
Thin, golden and served at fast food spots from Sonic to McDonald's, these are the fry variety consumers expect; unless a menu specifies otherwise.
Personally, we like this shape when the pieces have crunchy outsides and greasy insides, but — overall — we find the genre to be incredibly inconsistent. Some (especially in diners) can be super bland.
The ones with the brown, crispy shells, however, are great.
We like wedge fries better than straight fries, because they usually come hot, seasoned and accompanied by a rich dipping sauce. At Fuddruckers, for example, we enjoy dunking them in generous cups of melted jalapeño cheese.
By far the thickest fry shape, each spud feels like an eighth of a potato — which is perfect for starch-lovers (as french fry aficionados must be).
Bright orange and outstandingly salty, the curly fry is pretty damn close to the king of all fry shapes.
The exteriors are well-seasoned, and their tight curves soak up sauce like a sponge.
The long ones are great — as they have those soft, greasy interiors — but the little crispy ones (because they sport the most salt) are delicious, too.
Yeah, so we're not really into these.
Flat, bland and dry, we're always disappointed when we order a sandwich with fries — and these are what show up.
Particularly because they always seem to be room temperature (at best).
Sidewinder fries are an unusual, S-shaped fry that are hard to find — but a must-order when available.
Boasting crispy exteriors and warm centers, they're generally served at upscale gastropubs or modern American restaurants.
And, since they're typically found at higher-end venues? They usually come with creative sauces or decadent toppings.
Not exactly a french fry, but still a deep-fried piece of potato, the tater tot is a true American delicacy.
Dark and crispy, the indulgent bites are ideal for people who enjoy the "fry" part of fries more than the potato part.
The starchiest and soggiest of them all, there's nothing good about a smiley fry.
Except, of course, its demeanor.
The shoestring is simultaneously the thinnest and crispiest of all fry shapes.
Served in many upscale steakhouses (perhaps topping a delicately-cooked filet), they're like a piece of Major League Chew in thickness, but a slice of dragonfruit in fancy-ness and infrequency.
A boardwalk specialty, tornado fries are deep-fried, spiral-cut potato skewers.
With various seasonings (chosen by the consumer), they're essentially chips on a stick — and they're awesome.
If there were a food that could usher in world peace? It'd probably be the waffle fry.
Cut into flawless grids, fried until barely crispy and seasoned to bright-orange perfection, there's nothing about this variety that we'd change.
From the way the flat shape and tiny holes hold sauce like a spoon, to how every piece is salty and textured, the masterclass of a potato dish is sheerly exemplary.
AKA, it's our favorite fry.
Flavorless, soggy, bland, dry, cold, bad — crinkle-cut fries (ESPECIALLY the freezer ones), are the worst of all fry shapes.
Because, when the smiley dries your mouth with the power of 15 cotton balls? At least its polite about it.
The crinkle, on the other hand, has zero redeeming qualities.
