Dining Room
High Top
Even Higher Top
Low Top (normal chairs around a coffee table)
Bar Seating
Outdoor (sidewalk)
Outdoor (back patio)
Outdoor (overgrown garden that’s a breeding ground for mosquitoes)
Table in Striking Distance from Pool Table
The Pool Table
Table in Collision Path of Swinging Door
Doug’s Table (Doug will be joining you)
“The Murder Table”
Table Under AC Vent
Table Over AC Vent
Table Both Under and Over AC Vents
Hostess Table (you will have to seat other patrons)
Table That’s Sopping Wet for Some Reason (not water)
Card Table with Dogs Playing Poker
Table Next to Unsettling Painting of Gruesome French Revolution Battle
Table Under Loud-Ass Speaker
Communal Table
Community Table (Alison Brie was here!)
Table in the Splash Zone
A Table with a Draft from an Open Window (disclaimer: risk of pigeon[s])
A Drafting Table (yes, your food will roll off)
Back Corner Table, and Uh Oh, Your Ex Will Be There Holding a Single Red Rose
Table on Stage During Open Mic Night
Table Right Next to Kitchen (it’s just like The Bear—please do not chime in with your own “Yes, chefs”)
Table in Back Where Bar Staff Eats Lunch
Table Under Mistletoe So You Have an Opening to Kiss Your First Date
Surprise Me! (you’re getting the swinging door table)
Challengers Table (table for two but can accommodate a third)
Last Supper Table (seating only on one side of the table, someone in your party will betray you)
Social Anxiety Table (no one will approach you, but you also won’t get to eat)
Table Where Meg Ryan Came as Sally
Table Where Meg Ryan Came as Herself
Just Chairs (please hold your plate on lap)
Table Surrounded by Toddlers New to Real Food (no iPads)
Table Across from Elderly Man Eating Alone, onto Whom You’ll Project Your Own Loneliness
Booth
