Courtesy of the author
"Here it is!" my friend announced, passing me her phone. Swiping through photos of the renovated Manhattan apartment her parents had just purchased for her, I felt a twinge of longing.
Sure, the pre-war apartment that I shared with two roommates was economical and charming, but imagine being able to live alone in a home with in-unit laundry instead of carting clothes to the Laundromat in 90-degree heat.
My parents have financially supported me, too. They paid for college, for one thing. Though I graduated over a year ago and work a full-time job, I remain on their phone plan and benefit from our Netflix and Spotify family plans. When I visit them in Pittsburgh, they also graciously purchase my plane tickets.
However, they directly communicated the expectation that supporting myself after college is my responsibility.
I pay for my own rent, utilities, healthcare, food, clothes, entertainment, and other expenses — which add up in New York. To emphasize the importance of investing in my financial future, last Christmas, my dad even gifted me a bundle of hand-selected books detailing the history of our financial system and best budgeting practices.
Grad school is the most daunting expense at this stage in my life. Saving for it is time-sensitive, as New York state requires me to earn a master's degree within the next four years to maintain my teaching certification. As a result, I budget and invest my money seriously because, let's face it, I'm not rolling in cash as a 23-year-old public school teacher. And while my parents helped me consider how to fund my degree without taking out loans, they told me early on that I alone would pay for it.
These considerations can stress me out, especially when friends suggest going to dinner at places where I know an entrée that I could cook myself for $5 will cost upward of $25. When my roommates and I moved into our apartment, we celebrated at a restaurant that self-described itself as "upscale." Although we dined with an NYC Restaurant Week discount and had a good time, the inflated bill still made me cringe when I thought of the impending costs of a master's degree.
Despite challenges, though, I appreciate that my parents encourage my financial independence. Their policies make me thoughtful about my spending choices and, to my friends' delight, extremely knowledgeable about which establishments offer $5 happy hour cocktails. When my parents treat me to a meal or a plane ticket home, I appreciate the gesture that much more because I understand the effort it takes to save money.
One of the most valuable insights I've gleaned from managing my finances is that I have to be deliberate with how I fund larger purchases.
Last year, I was invited to present research at conferences in three different states. The cost of three round-trip plane tickets, hotels, and registration fees added up quickly, but the events were important to me. On the phone with my mom, I was tempted to ask for help, but before I could, she said, "Sounds like you should apply for scholarships."
I swallowed my request, did some research, and applied for awards. My effort was rewarded with four grants and a transformative time at the conferences. I learned that if I wanted something, I had to use my resources to problem-solve and respect my budget.
I'm not alone on this journey toward financial independence. I talk to my older sister about how she navigates it and regularly call my dad for advice on investments or building credit. Luckily, they're happy to help, and I know that managing my own money will equip me to make wise decisions once my parents aren't around to advise me each step of the way.
I may sometimes envy acquaintances whose parents cover their rent or an Uber to the airport. But ultimately I know my parents' expectations are fair and well-intentioned. I may have rolled my eyes at those books at Christmas, but eventually, I'll read them. And I'll be better for it.
