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A few weeks ago, my adult son called to say, "Getting arrested was the best thing that ever happened to me!"
Taken aback, I said, "Oh really?" I vividly remember that event as one of our most challenging times, so his assessment intrigued me. Not only did his epiphany lead to an essential conversation where we shared our different sides of the story, but it helped us connect the dots to where we are now.
In 2014, the night before a college sporting scholarship meeting, I learned my son was arrested for possession of marijuana. It was a few months before his high school graduation, and we were wrapping up Johnathan's plans for college and beyond. It wasn't exactly a surprise; he started experimenting with drugs and getting into trouble in middle school and high school.
But the arrest changed everything for him — and maybe for the better.
Considering his new record, the college he planned on attending would not accept him without the scholarship.
As an excessively challenged single mother, I was looking forward to my son's college move-out. I feared the two-year probation would keep him grounded. Thankfully, he could finish his probation in Florida, where he moved in with his father's family and completed electrician trade school.
In Florida, Johnathan attended all his classes, and his grades were better than ever. While he barely attended high school and had a very low GPA, he was a straight-A student in trade school. He was engaged with his instructors and made friends with classmates and neighbors.
While attending the program full-time, he worked for Best Buy and thoroughly cleaned up his act. He prioritized work and school, stopped attempting to escape reality through substances, and began taking responsibility for living a better life. I remember seeing pictures of him dressed up for work and being surprised by how different he looked. I could see the light in his eyes once again, and I was beyond grateful.
At Best Buy, Johnathan quickly became a star employee. Even though he only worked on the weekends, he consistently earned employee of the month, placed at the top of the sales leaderboard, and was named a top producer of credit card applications.
I wasn't surprised he was a master at sales. Considering all the trouble he talked himself out of growing up, Johnathan had plenty of practice negotiating, which made his sales job practically effortless.
When he returned to Des Moines after trade school, he continued his sales journey at Best Buy. When a gentleman came in for a 55-inch TV and walked out with a 75-inch TV and several luxury upgrades, the customer was so impressed with Johnathan's sales skills that he offered Johnathan a job selling RVs. Johnathan entered the RV industry with vigor and dedication and quickly repeated his race to the leaderboard.
After some tragic times in Des Moines, including a debilitating injury, Johnathan decided to get a fresh start once again. Much like me, he moved to California on a wing and a prayer to start a new life. This time, he was ready to make a permanent move far away from the troubles of his youth.
He met his now fiancé at his RV sales job and lives a completely different life — free of drugs and full of sales, responsibility, and love.
When I asked him what helped him make the change, he said, "Focusing on something I liked and was good at. Plus, not having access to the scenarios that got me in trouble."
He also remarked that being in a new location allowed him to reinvent himself without the negative influences and judgments of others who knew his history. Having experienced a similar result upon my own move to California, I can say I totally agree. It's beautiful to meet people who see you as the person you are and the one you're trying to become — instead of the one you were expected to be.
Often, people are surprised to hear about Johnathan's past trouble with the law, considering his current position. I asked him how it feels to shock people in this way. He said, "I always smile like a kid on Christmas when it happens. It feels million times better to be seen as someone who has their shit together than being known as the troublemaker or the kid who's got potential but is fucking up."
