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Octavius A. Newman, 41, lives in Philadelphia. He recently lost out on a job after a dozen interviews for the role. He said the process and the response when he asked for feedback were the most difficult parts. The following has been edited for brevity and clarity.
I'd heard about the job from a friend of mine who knows I'm in Philly. He sent it to me on LinkedIn. He said, "This is up your alley." So, I applied. But putting in a job application alone just makes you one of many. So, I reached out to the person who was doing the hiring. I had an opportunity to have a conversation with them. Then, a recruiter reached out on behalf of the company.
I had an interview with that person. Then, I had an interview with their manager. Then, I had another interview with the same person I spoke to originally. Then, I had an interview with their colleague. So it just seemed like I kept going up rung after rung after rung to another person and another person. As the interviews continued, they seemed to be more like meet-and-greets than interviews. It was a lot of, "What's your background?" and "Your work looks great."
Allen Johnson
I would always ask questions like, "What does it look like to be successful in this role?" and "With the last person who did this job, what did they do well?" Or, I asked, "What was an opportunity for improvement?"
In a way, it felt like a video game where you beat that boss, and you're kind of going, "Am I almost done?" Well, there's another person to talk to. And every interview felt great. But then there was another person.
Finally, I got to the point where they said, "Hey, we're bringing you in for the final round of interviews, which are now in person. Please wear your best business attire." I would say I spent about $150 on a new blazer and shirt. Then it was almost round-robin style with a lot of the same people again and some new people. I was shown around the building. We had great conversations and it seemed positive.
About a week and a half later, I heard that they decided to go with someone else. I asked for feedback. Their response was, "Nothing in particular. We just decided to go with someone else."
Throughout the process, it wasn't like there were a lot of struggles or concerns — at least that they expressed. There wasn't vacillation and "We're not sure."
I'm sure anyone who is interviewing kind of holds themselves in this middle ground because they don't want to get too excited. They don't want to count money that's not in the bank. But they also want to keep that positive attitude.
But when you get that "no," you're kind of left there. Like, why did I do that? What was that for?
The role was a creative lead for social media. They were looking for a player-coach — someone who's able to be a creative leader, manage people, and give them guidance. That's my background. That's what I do. That's why I was really excited about it. As you're going through the process, you're always looking to say, "Are we good? How do I feel about you? How do you feel about me?" It's an odd, almost dating, scenario. You're almost courting one another.
I'm OK with not getting a job. What is difficult for me is the process. What kept ringing in my mind was, "What did you find out in the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, in-person interview that you didn't know on the third? What happened that last time you saw me that you didn't see the time before?"
I'm not entitled — you don't owe me. But I hope that there's a level of courtesy and respect. When I was growing up, we called it home training: Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you had someone that you were telling things were going well, and you're communicating through words and deeds that this was going in a certain direction — when it goes in a different direction, there will be some whiplash.
There will be some mental and emotional struggle that that person will have to go through. And it does feel a bit like abandonment.
The truth of the matter is, as a Black man, one of the things that I know and that I've experienced that I was raised with is, "Octavius, you have to be twice as good. You're not going to get a second chance. You have to show up as a heavyweight."
As a Philadelphian, one of the stories that I relate to a lot is Rocky. You know, Rocky had to go out there with his one chance. He's got to give it all he's got. So, that stuck with me. When I get an opportunity, I got to go out there like Rocky, going, "Hey, kid, you gotta eat lightning and you gotta crap thunder."
This is how I was raised, and this is what I believe. You've got to go out there and freshen up your outfit. You've got to polish up your résumé. You have to look at who you're going to talk to and what their background is.
At least one of my thoughts was, "Man, if we're on interview seven, they must like me." You start thinking of it through your own perspective. Do you spend time on something that doesn't seem fruitful? My first in-person interview was seven or eight. But when I was in person, I met with six people in succession.
But when it didn't go my way, there's a piece of it that involves having a conversation with your friends and family. These are people who are rooting for you, who love you and care for you, and want to see you succeed.
So, I have to process how I feel about this, which is hard enough. Then I've got to tell my wife about this, which is difficult. But then here come the text messages. "What happened?" or "How come?" Everybody goes, "What did they say? What kind of feedback did you get? Did they say why?" You're almost then holding up your friends and loved ones who are now they're going through their own vicarious version of, "I can't believe this."
This experience is one of the things that has led me to think about what it's like to be this age in this industry at this time. I've started to lean more into an entrepreneurial mindset. When you're dependent upon other people to create an opportunity for you, you really are at their mercy.
Part of how I was raised was to be entrepreneurial. Because if I'm waiting to get picked — if I'm waiting for someone to select me — the chances are different. So, part of my goal is to be undeniable by creating my own things, by making my own stuff.
I don't want to be somewhere where they don't want me. So, if this is the process of what it takes to get in, what does that say for the future I would have had there?
My knee-jerk reaction is to get back on the horse. But I know that that pain and frustration is going to come out somewhere else. So, I have to take a moment and shed a tear. I have to take a moment and talk to my wife and talk to my friends, talk to my therapist, and go, "This happened to me. And this really hurt my feelings."
I struggle with whether I'm good enough and whether I can do it. But I'm thankful that I have friends and family and community that can go, "You know, Octavius, let's not let this be the thing that determines who you are."
Part of this is creating those opportunities for myself and other people like me. This is why I created projects like Sole Stories, a documentary series. This is why I created my media production company HVYWT, which is an opportunity for myself and other people to put work together that is the kind of work we want to do. I refuse to let the decision of someone else determine my future.
So you take your moment. You feel your feelings. You watch your favorite show, and wipe your eyes, and go, "OK, everybody, pray for me. I'm going back out there."
