Mr. Chairman, Former President Trump avoided assassination by the tip of his ear because my agents acted fast. Still, the Secret Service failed the country because not one of the female agents who shielded Trump from bullets scooted up to him in a wheelchair. Worse, not one was African American. For that, I am sorry.
The Secret Service adequately protected Trump in that he’s not dead but merely dinged up. The same could not be said for Abraham Lincoln, James Garfield, William McKinley, and John F. Kennedy. Can we please get a little credit for sort of doing our job?
We wanted that MAGA horde to photograph our excellent work in Butler, so our agents remained on stage with Trump for an eternity instead of rushing him into an SUV after Thomas Matthew Crooks shot him. Had President Reagan’s 1981 detail kept him out of that limo instead of quickly shoving him into it after John Hinckley Jr. nearly killed him, perhaps the Gipper could’ve given a fist pump, too, and won Minnesota and Washington, DC, in 1984.
Law enforcement successfully identified Crooks as a person of interest more than an hour before the shooting. However, we lost sight of him. In fairness to us, there were a ton of people at that rally. I mean, you try keeping track of all the weirdos at a Trump rally. It’s like being asked to keep tabs on the oddest creature in that Star Wars bar. It’s not easy.
While our counter-snipers spied Crooks 20 minutes before he fired, we could not stop him because there could have been a perfectly rational explanation why Crooks had a rangefinder at a political rally and snuck onto a rooftop with a rifle and ladder. He could’ve been birdwatching or staking out a place to stargaze four hours in advance and simply wanted to protect himself. Remember what Barack Obama said about small-town Pennsylvania folk, they cling to their guns among other awful things.
As for the failure to cover the American Glass Research roof on which Crooks perched, I told ABC News: “That building, in particular, has a sloped roof at its highest point. And so you know there’s a safety factor: we wouldn’t want to put somebody up on a sloped roof. And so you know the decision was made to secure the building from the inside.”
By now, most Americans can visualize that roof and know its slope rivals that of Mount Everest and not a big white asbestos-laden pancake that a cow could walk across. And while it’s true that counter-snipers were posted on roofs with steeper slopes, to quote President Biden, well, anyway.
I’m proud the Secret Service’s female agents fully protected Donald Trump from the chest down. Saying the female agent who shielded him was too short insults short agents and promotes the dangerous stereotype that men are physically bigger and stronger than women. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Trump is too tall? That female agent would have been as tall as Trump had she been wearing stiletto heels, which we will now incorporate into our agency’s dress code for male and female agents.
The service’s goal remains 30 percent female recruitment by 2030 as part of the 30×30 Initiative; meaning, should some racist, red-hat-clad white male shoot at future President Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY.), she will be the first female president protected by at least one woman of the following types: indigenous, African American, paralyzed, Latinx, morbidly obese, and undocumented migrant. We will try our best to phase out all white female agents from protective detail by 2030 to promote inclusivity.
We always recruit qualified candidates, many of whom exist within that MAGA rabble. Several of these eagle-eyed folks warned us about Crooks just minutes before he fired. Please, MAGA, apply to the Secret Service. We will pay for your reeducation.
I, like many sincere liberals, am grateful the existential threat to our democracy who embodies Hitler, Mussolini and Voldemort, and who will turn our republic into a dictatorship if elected, survived an assassin’s bullet. We are a safer country for it.
In closing, as ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos and Martha Raddatz stated, Donald Trump and his minions must tone down their vile rhetoric otherwise more people will get shot. And if that’s the case, we will be there to protect him/her/they.
READ MORE from Matt Manochio:
Book Chapter: Noem vs. The Cartel
It’s Good That Some Truth Is Suppressed
The post The Secret Service Chief’s Rousing Testimony appeared first on The American Spectator | USA News and Politics.
