Traveling with another person — be it a friend, relative or romantic partner — has a way of strengthening or straining the relationship. When you have similar travel styles, the trip is generally more likely to go smoothly, bringing you closer together and deepening your bond. When you have differing travel styles, the vacation can become tense and stressful, driving a wedge between you.
So how do you know if your travel styles are aligned or not? We asked travel experts to share some of the telltale signs you might be incompatible in this area and offer advice on what to do about it.
When one person loves having a well-thought-out plan and the other would prefer to fly by the seat of their pants, you’re bound to hit some turbulence on the trip.
“If you are someone who likes to have a flexible itinerary and be open to spontaneous changes in plans, while your travel companion prefers a more structured and organised approach, it can lead to resentment and conflict,” travel blogger Sean Lau of The Turkey Traveler told HuffPost.
“You may feel restricted and constrained by their need for a rigid schedule, while they may feel stressed and anxious in an environment that lacks clear plans and direction.”
Having conflicting sleep schedules can create friction when traveling together. The morning person may get up early, eager to get a head start on the day, while the night owl may want to skip morning activities to log some extra sleep.
“For instance, if you want to get up early and walk around the city but your companion is hungover from the night before, that could be a problem and a sign of incompatibility,” travel content creator Jen Ruiz, author of “12 Trips In 12 Months,” told HuffPost.
Similarly, when you and your travel partner have different energy levels, it can make it difficult to find a pace for the trip that suits both people, Lau said.
“If one person may want to do a lot of activities while the other may prefer a more relaxed pace, this can lead to disagreements and arguments,” he added.
Travel content creator Sam Cormier, the woman behind the @samanthas_suitcase Instagram account, said one of the most important factors to consider when choosing a travel companion is what you each enjoy doing on a trip. Some people want to pack their days with lots of action and new experiences, while others may be looking for more leisurely activities, for example.
“Are you an outdoorsy hiker who wants to get out into nature while your travel buddy wants to explore museums? Would you want to shop and sightsee until you drop, while the other person just wants to relax at the spa or by the pool?” she told HuffPost. “This will likely cause tension on what should be a fun vacation because neither of you are doing what you want to do.”
Having different levels of comfort when it comes to physical activity and nature can make it more difficult to find mutually enjoyable activities, Lau said.
Having different priorities around money can be a major source of conflict when traveling. Issues tend to arise when one person is looking to splurge and have a more luxurious experience and the other person is looking to save a few bucks wherever possible.
“If you want to go to a high-end restaurant and stay in posh hotels while your travel partner wants to microwave something from a local gas station and stay in long-term rentals, one of you is going to be uncomfortable,” Ruiz said.
“Make sure your values around money are similar and that you’re prepared to have a budget and spending range that’s aligned with each other. Otherwise, one person feels stretched and worried about money, and the other can feel restrained in their ability to enjoy the destination how they’d like.”
Can you still travel together and have a good trip even if your travel styles are less-than-compatible? Cormier says it’s possible with two key ingredients: open communication and a willingness to compromise.
“Planning the trip together so that you both have a say in activities, restaurants and accommodations is key in making sure both sides are heard,” she said. “If you respect the other’s preferences but also set your own boundaries, you should be able to still have a great trip together.”
If you know (or suspect) that you and your travel partner have different vacation styles, Ruiz said her best advice is to book separate accommodations when you can.
“That way, everyone can retreat to their own space at the end of the day to let tensions defuse,” she said. “I have rented an Airbnb where everyone gets a different room, and that works well. Not always feasible for a hotel, but if possible I’d get separate rooms there, too.”
And keep in mind it’s totally OK to travel together but do some stuff on your own, too.
“You can also choose to spend some time apart, each doing separate activities, and come together for a specific meal or activity throughout the day that you both want to do,” Ruiz said.
As Lau said, “A trip together is about enjoying each other’s company and creating everlasting memories, but that doesn’t have to be every single minute of the day.”
A trip together is about enjoying each other’s company and creating everlasting memories, but that doesn’t have to be every single minute of the day.Sean Lau, blogger at The Turkey Traveler
And, of course, it’s OK to choose to travel with certain people less frequently (and in some circumstances, not at all) based on your differing personalities and preferences.
For example, you might feel pressure to always vacation with your spouse because, well, you’re married. But if your travel styles are incompatible, why not also plan some trips with your sister or your college roommate who may like to do things that are more your speed?
“The idea that your romantic partner also needs to be your number one travel buddy is a myth,” dating coach Damona Hoffman recently told HuffPost. “You probably have other friends with whom you do regular trips or who already like to travel your way. It’s more important to continue to value those friendships and carve out time for those trips than to force your partner to do everything you like to do the way you like to do it.”
No matter who you’re traveling with, clearly voicing your expectations ahead of time “especially around money, time, activities, and accommodations” will “limit surprises on the ground,” said Ruiz. When planning a trip with someone new, it’s a good idea to do a trial day trip with them first before you agree to something longer.
“Can you tolerate three hours in a car with this person before you commit to a cross-country or international flight?” she said. “Is there anything that bothers your partner during travel, like allergies, motion sickness, ear popping issues? This is good information to know because maybe they’ll be irritable or extra sensitive to these things, and that can help explain any shift in mood or behavior.”
