I hope it’s not too soon after the attempted murder of Donald Trump to share a chuckle or two. And let’s not forget Corey Comperatore, who used his body in an heroic act to shield his family from gunfire. Now there’s a man deserving a statue in Butler, Pennsylvania.
At a recent rally in Florida, Donald Trump challenged Joe Biden to an 18-hole golf match. Trump also promised to give Biden a 20-stroke advantage – and if Biden wins, he’ll get a million dollar donation to his favorite charity, courtesy of the former president.
Well, it looks as though the golfing world will have to wait since the assassination attempt has changed the timeline. My research staff found the plans and rules that were to be used for the match, and it looks like it would’ve been a real hoot.
If you’ll recall, this subject came up during the June debate debacle where Biden suggested that in addition to the golf, an added feature for the two contenders was carrying their own bags. Apparently, Dr. Jill heard the bag-requirement comment, and though she is a doctor, she misunderstood it as an insult.
Though the contest has been put on the back burner for now, here are the details my staff found about what was to be marketed as the the Big Boy Codger Classic.
Obviously, both contenders will have a caddy to advise each golfer on yardage and clubs to use. The Biden staff is not requesting a caddy; rather, their choice is a Visiting Angel.
Along with the Visiting Angel, the team Biden would like two sherpas to assist the president from any bunker exits that may be quite steep. If not sherpas, a portable staircase chairlift would do the trick.
There will also be the presence of oxygen and a porta-potty on wheels to follow the Big Boy.
A Bible will be provided along with a fire extinguisher to swear-in the tag-a-long Kamala Harris just in case there’s a need.
Another presidential demand to be met is an ice cream cone for the Big Boy to enjoy in between each hole. Along with the ice cream treat, the presidential staff demands that Big Girl Dr. Jill be waiting at the end of each hole to cheer on her husband. “I’m so proud of you, Joe. You hit the ball on this hole 98 times, and you only missed it 14 times – but you got right back up and never quit. And you putted it into the hole all by yourself. Oh my gosh, I’m such a silly. I said ‘putted,’ which almost sounds like that evil Putin.”
In case the Codger Classic goes past the bewitching hour of 4 p.m., a mobile bed will be made available for the president if he chooses to take a nap before going on to the next hole.
Trump suggested the ratings for this event would exceed any other golf event in history, which may be true. That also leads to the speculation of who would win the sponsorship rights for each of the 18 holes. No doubt Prevagen would be there telling us, “When you’ve taken 78 shots to complete hole number one, Mr. President, you’re going to need our product to even remember your score.”
Add to that Med Alert telling us, “When you’re in a bunker after 84 swings and you’re still there, you’re going to need us to get you out.”
And at the final 18th hole when the disaster ends, it will be Relaxium’s turn to say, “It’s time to go home, Joe. It’s highly doubtful, but you may need Relaxium along with a chaser of Balance of Nature to erase the day from your mind.”
This tournament will be accompanied with a public service announcement assuring that America is safe while President Biden is away from the White House. Hunter Biden, his trusted son, and the smartest man Joe knows, has the nuclear football secure in his not too shaky hands.
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