It's time to ban bicycles in America once and for all. If not now, then on day one of President Donald Trump's second term in office. He promised to make America safe again, and this would be a big first step in that direction.
The 2024 election is the first in history to feature two major candidates who were almost killed in bicycle-involved incidents. President Joe Biden, 81, nearly destroyed his frail body when he fell off his Trek in 2022. The New York Post reported this week that Trump's would-be assassin, Thomas Matthew Crooks, used his bicycle to scout the location of the Trump rally in Pennsylvania.
Crooks rode around on his stupid bicycle for some time before ditching the child's toy "in full view of cops," according to the Post. He proceeded to climb onto a nearby roof and open fire, grazing Trump's ear and killing firefighter Corey Comperatore. How many more innocent people have to die before our elected leaders take action?
America's bicycle problem is out of control. That goes without saying. Few are willing to acknowledge this reality for fear of being harassed by the notoriously obnoxious bicycle lobby, which is poised to install a cycling Dutchman as the next head of the NATO military alliance.
Abolishing these dangerous contraptions will require a strong, virile leader in possession of all his faculties. It can only be Trump. Vote accordingly, folks. Before it's too late.
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