If you've seen any photos from the Republican National Convention this week you've likely seen Usha Vance staring adoringly at her husband, J.D. Vance, the newly-announced running mate of former President Trump. Between his novel, Hillbilly Elegy—Ohio's white working class through the lens of a grifter who'd spend the whole of his adult life betraying them—and his 2022 campaign for senate, I'd argue the public knows entirely too much about Donald Trump's #1 Ass-Kisser. So much, in fact, that half of Twitter is currently in awe of an anecdote from the memoir in which Vance admits to fucking a surgical glove stuffed between two couch cushions. Who we don't have much of an understanding of, however, is his better (???) half. Here's what we know: Vance met Usha where every burgeoning capitalist first learns how to sell out (The Ivy League). The fates brought them together when they were both students at Yale Law School, where Usha also graduated summa cum laude with a bachelor’s degree. By then, the then-registered Democrat raised by Indian immigrants and academics had already earned a master's degree in philosophy from Cambridge via the Gates Cambridge scholarship. Nevertheless, she's characterized in Hillbilly Elegy simply as her husband's “Yale spirit guide,” who was by his side as he gleefully offered rim-jobs to all the future Republican lawmakers...I imagine. “She instinctively understood the questions I didn’t even know to ask, and she always encouraged me to seek opportunities that I didn’t know existed,” Vance wrote. Seek opportunities that he didn't know existed, huh? Like what? A DIY Pocket Pussy? “Even at my best, I’m a delayed explosion—I can be defused, but only with skill and precision,” Vance has also written of their dynamic. “It’s not just that I’ve learned to control myself but that Usha has learned how to manage me.” A decorated woman reduced to dedicating much of her life to...managing a man? Bleak. Well, Usha must've mastered the art of minding delayed explosions because she went on to clerk for two Supreme Court judges—Justice Brett Kavanaugh and Chief Justice John Roberts—and eventually became an associate at Munger, Tolles & Olson, a "radically progressive" law firm with offices in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Washington, DC. According to an archived version of her employee biography, which CNN first reported, Usha worked on “complex civil litigation and appeals” in sectors that included “higher education, local government, entertainment, and technology, including semiconductors.” Sounds...suspect. Apart from marrying and procreating with Vance (and standing by as he's taken innumerable terrifying stances), Usha seems—at the very least—booksmart. It might be tempting to wonder whether she's the one wearing the ill-fitting chinos pressed for the shameless pursuit of power in their marriage and "spirit-guiding" him straight to the White House. But I'm of the mind that they've both got one leg in. If their track records are any indication, they're clearly both fairly comfortable foot-soldiering for the elite and evil. Let us never forget that in September 2022, during a stump speech for Vance's senate campaign, Trump famously remarked to the crowd: “J.D. is kissing my ass.” It was then one of a dozen campaign appearances made by Trump and his son, Don Jr., on Vance’s behalf despite the fact that, when he first entered the public eye, Vance was openly anti-Trump. Regardless, Trump treated Vance’s election eve rally as free advertising for an upcoming “announcement” which ended up being his 2024 candidacy. Usha hasn't ever offered much by way of interviews, but when she has, she's vouched for her husband's authenticity as a career ass-kisser. “Sometimes people say that he’s changed a lot,…
