If it were easy to become a globally renowned cremator who flies around in a hot air balloon cremating people all over the world, then everyone would be doing it! The going may be tough now, but one day, when you descend into Times Square, where thousands of cheering people await the honor of watching you incinerate their city’s dead, you’ll thank yourself for never quitting. Here are four reasons you shouldn’t throw in the towel just yet!
1. Currently, there is no competition in the aerial crematorium industry or cultural sphere
There’s no better time to make a name for yourself in aeronautical cremation than right now—the whole field is yours for the taking! You have an opportunity to set the tone for an entire new industry and cultural phenomenon. Consider the millions of children you’ll inspire to take up the aerial cremation trade when they witness you, in your black tuxedo and top hat, piloting a hot air balloon into their city square to incinerate dead people and animals alike. Be the pioneering, globe-trotting cremator you wish you’d had as a role model growing up.
2. Settling for a practical, 9-5 office job will be deeply unsatisfying to anyone who longs for a life of fame, travel, and cremating
The stability of a day job can seem appealing, especially when the costs and struggles of engineering a hot air balloon that can carry both its fuel supply and the weight of a working crematorium seem too much to overcome. Don’t let it lure you in. There’s a reason you pursued a more ambitious life instead of the office grind. When you make that compromise, and find yourself sitting in a cubicle for five decades of your life, wondering if you might’ve won a key to every city in the world as a gesture of gratitude for your aerial cremation services, if you’d only put in a little more effort when you had the chance? Your heart will fill with regret. Trust us.
3. You’re not getting any younger—and neither are the millions of dead people out there just waiting for a hot air balloon pilot to cremate them!
Sixty-one million people died last year…just saying! The demand is already there. The sooner you achieve global crematorial stardom, the sooner you’ll be able to enjoy the perks of wealth and celebrity that come with it. The time to put in the work is now, now, now.
4. Just think about how good it will feel to cremate all the haters who ever doubted that your flying crematorium would find global acclaim
Is this petty? Okay, sure. Is it great motivation to keep studying for that pilot’s license exam and tinkering with your design for a hybrid hot air balloon-cremation furnace? Hell. Yes. Proving the naysayers wrong can be powerful fuel for inspiration. Whenever you think you’re too tired to keep going, just imagine sliding your haters into your incinerator as their family offers their effusive thanks and requests your autograph. If that doesn’t motivate you to keep going, nothing will!
