He sweet talked me into loving him, made me feel like I actually mattered to him, and then shattered my heart. How am I supposed to forget about someone like that? Immediately getting over him is a nice thought, but it’s not the way the world works. So stop telling me to get over him, because I’m allowed to be heartbroken.
Don’t tell me he’s not worth my tears. If I want to cry, then I’m going to cry. I’ll bawl my eyes out until my mascara creeps down my cheeks and my contacts are all dried out. I’ll even turn myself into a cliché, scooping ice cream straight from the container and drunk texting him after a few too many shots of tequila, but I won’t feel bad about it. I’ll never apologize for having feelings.
I know I don’t need him. I know I’m better off without him. I know any man would be lucky to have me. But I’m never going to get over him, not completely, unless I freak out first. It’s how I get my closure. So let me destroy myself, at least on a small scale, so I have a chance to put myself back together. Otherwise, he’ll always be hovering in the back of my mind.
Why should I have to hide my pain and put on the happy face of a girl with a steel heart? When I have the flu, I’m not pressured to pretend that I’m in perfect health. So when I’m depressed, why do I have to cry behind closed doors? I’m not going to lie to my friends and family about being fine, just to make them feel comfortable. Life isn’t comfortable.
I know that single life isn’t all that bad and that boys aren’t everything. But my part-time job isn’t everything either, and I’d still cry if I got fired. And the finale of How I Met Your Mother wasn’t everything, but I still cried when I saw the shit show of a finale. I get upset when bad things happen. It’s the way things go.
Half of the time, I’m told that I should be happy without a boyfriend, and I know it’s the truth, but it’s hard to believe when the other half of the time I’m bombarded with commercials about happy couples, Instagram photos of #RelationshipGoals, and articles with tips for finding a boyfriend. It’s hard to be happy being single, especially after going through a rough breakup, when I’m surrounded by reminders that I’m alone.
Screw my reputation. I’ve never tried to be “cool girl” to get a boyfriend, and I won’t pretend to be “a classy lady” after a breakup. I don’t care what I look like in other people’s eyes, so I’m not going to hide my crazy. I’d rather embrace who I am.
One day, I’ll look back and laugh at how heartbroken I was over losing such a loser. But today is not that day. Today, I need to bask in my misery. Today, I need to think about all the romantic dates we went on and look through the old texts he sent me. Today, I need you to let me mourn my failed relationship, because it’s the only way I’ll be truly happy tomorrow.
