My friend ghosted me and I can’t understand why
DEAR DEIDRE: Making friends has always been difficult for me, as I’m autistic.
Now someone who I thought was a good friend has ghosted me, and I don’t understand why. I’m devastated.
I’m 28. When I was a girl, I was always the last to be picked for the netball team, and that feeling has carried on into adulthood.
I don’t really understand how friendships work – how often to call or message people, or how to interact.
The result is I don’t have many friends. But I managed to make two at my last job, and we sometimes met up on weekends.
Now, for no reason I can tell, one of them has stopped contacting me. She still sees the other friend but I’m not invited.
If I message her, she just doesn’t reply. That hurts.
I also feel like the second friend is only seeing me so she doesn’t upset me. She only has time for a quick coffee, and it doesn’t feel like she wants to be there.
Should I tell her how I’m feeling?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Being dropped by a friend is painful, particularly when you feel you’ve done nothing wrong.
It can affect your self-esteem, especially if you’re someone who finds navigating friendships difficult.
Try not to take this too personally. Unfortunately, sometimes friendships do fizzle out.
As for your second friend, perhaps she’s just extremely busy. The good thing is she still wants to meet.
My support pack, Rows With Friends, might be helpful for you to read.
The National Autistic Society (autism.org.uk) has advice about friendship on its website.
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