DEAR DEIDRE: My partner has completely let himself go, to the point where he often doesn’t bother to brush his teeth.
He makes my skin crawl.
We’ve been together for 10 years and we have two kids but I haven’t had sex with him for almost three years.
He’s 37 and I’m 34. I spend all my time cooking, washing, cleaning and fixing up the garden.
My partner works as a lorry driver but at weekends, he doesn’t move from the sofa.
We started sleeping separately after our youngest was born so that I could do the night feeds, but I’ve not gone back to our shared bed since.
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My partner has let himself go and he doesn’t even brush his teeth some days. He’s overweight and drinks too much.
He sometimes tries to get into bed with me when he comes in from the pub but I can’t stand it and tell him to get out.
I’ve told him that we’re not compatible any longer. He admits we have grown apart but says I blindsided him when I said I wanted us to go our separate ways. That’s not what he wants.
But the atmosphere between us isn’t good. He rarely comes to the kids’ events. I feel like a single parent and I know I would be happier on my own.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Neither of you sounds happy. Your partner’s lack of physical care can often be a symptom of depression.
Find a moment to talk to him and explain that you are worried about your relationship and concerned about his health. Suggest he talks to his GP.
You also need to tell him what your needs are, as a partner and mother to his children. Allow him to say what he’d like.
If things don’t improve contact BACP – British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, (www.bacp.co.uk, tel: 01455 883300) for emotional support to help him understand your need for separation.
