So called friends abandoned us after wife’s terminal diagnosis

DEAR DEIDRE: Since my wife was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer, some of our closest friends have deserted us.

I feel extremely angry and resentful and don’t know how to deal with my emotions.

I’m 56 and my wife is 54.

Last month, after a year of treatments, we were told nothing more could be done, and she only has months to live.

After her initial diagnosis, I noticed several long-term friends seemed to distance themselves from us.

They stopped inviting us, or calling, and would just send the odd text message. Now, even that has dried up.

If I try to contact them, I get very little response – or none at all. It’s incredibly hurtful.

While I understand that people don’t know what to say, and there’s nothing they can do to help, it feels like they don’t care.

One of them is my best friend from school. I’ve known him for over 40 years and we used to socialise with him a lot.

I’m at the point of blocking these so-called friends, because I don’t think I ever want to speak to them again.

Not everyone has abandoned us – some people we don’t even know well have been wonderful.

But I can’t get past my anger.

DEIDRE SAYS: Sometimes people are scared by a terminal diagnosis, or it brings up emotions from their own lives they prefer to bury.

This isn’t an excuse, but might explain your friends’ behaviour.

Concentrate on the people in your life who have been there for you.
Don’t block your old friends. They may come good in the end.

Talking about your feelings will help. Contact Macmillan Cancer Care (macmillan.org.uk, tel: 0808 808 00 00).