IT’S A Monday afternoon and I’m standing by a pool desperately trying to think of the funniest way to throw myself in without ending up in a Turkish hospital.
My task is to create a splash so epic that the holiday reps at the other end will erupt into applause.
My 11-year-old daughter Millie and I are in the final rounds of Bing Bong Bingo — the highlight of the afternoon for anyone staying at one of the eight Holiday Village resorts bookable with Tui.
With numbers painted on our arms, we’re joined by more than 50 fellow holidaymakers, from toddlers to pensioners, for a daily game of human bingo.
Both the bingo winner — the final contender whose number has not been called — and the person who performs the best dive into the pool when theirs is, bag an inflatable toy.
It gets the whole place jumping at lunchtime, mainly thanks to the brilliant staff — dubbed the Purple People on account of their outfits.
As HV Resorts celebrates its 20th anniversary, it’s fair to say it has mastered the all-inclusive family holiday.
My wife Michelle and I, plus our two children Millie and Benji, seven, had chosen the Sarigerme resort, a 20-minute drive from Dalaman Airport, but there’s also an HV Resort on the Spanish island of Majorca, one on the Costa del Sol and one on the Greek island of Rhodes.
We were visiting during May half-term — and it was the perfect spot to keep every single family member happy at all hours of the day.
The kids were blown away by all the facilities, from football and tennis to ten-pin bowling and high-rope assault courses, as well as the seven pools spread across the sprawling complex that borders a beach.
The huge main pool felt like the size of a small lake which is why it’s often used for not just Bing Bong Bingo, but also other activities like scuba diving, inflatable assault courses and water polo matches.
Next to it sits an equally fun-looking pool with slides, two big kids’ pools and another large pool with two massive jacuzzis.
There’s so much space that even in the middle of the school holidays, it never felt too crowded.
We were delighted to find there were also two more secluded, palm tree-sheltered pools at the back of our two-bedroom family suite for when we fancied a spot of quiet.
A large portion of the activities on offer here are water-based, with swimming clubs, water polo and a daily pool party to list just a few.
And helpfully, everything is listed in the Holiday Village app where you can sign up for anything you desire.
Benji was desperate to join the football academy which was held on the full-size pitch six days a week from 9am till 11am.
We left him in the capable hands of coaches Dan and Stew who put the kids through their paces before getting them stuck into a match — meaning us parents could enjoy a leisurely buffet breakfast in the 25C sunshine.
By the time they had finished we were ready to hit the pool or indulge in some R&R in the spa.
Chatting to fellow holidaymakers, almost all had been to a Holiday Village at least once before
Being able to plan our day on the app meant Michelle and I could slip off for a Turkish bath and a massage knowing the kids were busying themselves at a raft-building session or on the crazy golf course.
We even relied on the app to check out the menus at the three a la carte restaurants when we weren’t eating at the buffet.
Our favourite of the three was the Asian joint where the pan-seared sea bass with teriyaki sauce was a stand-out, followed closely by the stir-fried beef.
Each restaurant had great kids’ options although the daily buffet kept our little ones most entertained.
And the incredible selection of meats, fish and fresh salads were on a par, if not better than, many of the much pricier all-inclusive hotels we’ve stayed at over the years.
Not only that, but it appeared that every dietary requirement was catered for.
Chatting to fellow holidaymakers, almost all had been to a Holiday Village at least once before.
It’s popularity among families is not surprising, with the wealth of entertainment on offer, all run by enthusiastic and knowledgeable staff.
Activities even extend into the evening. Each night the outside amphitheatre hosted a kids’ party with dancing, games and challenges before the main evening show.
Four of the most talented Purple People took to the stage most nights although we were also treated to 2019 BGT semi-finalist, comedian Graeme Mathews.
Of course, there’s fun to be had off-site too.
The tiny village of Sarigerme is just a 20-minute walk away or it costs a fiver to get there in a taxi.
It was clear that many of the guests at the resort had paid a visit, judging by the number of fake “designer” clothes being flashed at the breakfast buffet.
It felt that nearly everyone under the age of 16 was wearing the finest-quality fake football kit with the name of their hero on the back.
That’s because the village is packed with the stalls flogging copied clobber and knock-off perfume. And who doesn’t love a bargain?
Just like the HV resort, there is something for everyone.
GETTING/STAYING THERE: Seven nights’ all-inclusive at the 4H Holiday Village AQI Turkiye is from £722.69pp, including flights from Gatwick on August 31 and based on a family of four sharing. See tui.co.uk.
