Plus: My partner has started making decisions for me.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it wise to explore a new field of work at age 36?
Growing up, I was always passionate about art and creativity. As a child, I spent hours sketching and painting, finding solace in the colors and forms that flowed from my imagination.
However, life took me on a different path, and I pursued a career in finance, which has provided stability but has left me feeling unfulfilled creatively.
I am unmarried and single; now in my mid-30s, I find myself yearning to reconnect with my artistic side and explore opportunities in a creative field.
What are your thoughts on someone planning to explore a new career field at this stage of life? I’m eager to pursue my passion and find fulfillment in my work again.
— Seeking Artistic Fulfillment
DEAR SEEKING ARTISTIC FULFILLMENT: You are young. There is no reason why you cannot make a career pivot now.
Take the time to do this strategically. Save as much money as you can in your finance job so that you create a cushion for yourself.
Sign up for art classes to hone your skills. Look into careers that value your artistic abilities so that when you do leave your job, you can find something fulfilling that also earns a living. Look at the advertising industry, graphic design, publishing and other such fields to see what opportunities are available that match your creativity.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been in a committed relationship for over seven years, but recently, my partner’s attitude toward my disability has shifted.
As someone who uses a wheelchair due to a spinal injury, I’ve always appreciated my partner’s support.
However, lately, they’ve started making decisions for me without consulting me, assuming I can’t handle certain tasks independently. For instance, they’ll rearrange plans, assuming venues aren’t wheelchair accessible, or speak for me in conversations about my needs. These actions make me feel sidelined and undermine my independence.
I want us to be equals in our relationship, but I’m hesitant to address this with my partner because they tend to overthink and might misunderstand my intentions.
What approach should I use to communicate my feelings to my partner without being misunderstood?
— Wanting Autonomy Back
DEAR WANTING AUTONOMY BACK: It is time for a heart-to-heart chat with your partner.
Gently express your observation that they have been making decisions for you due to your disability. While you appreciate their thoughtfulness, you do not want to lose your agency to make decisions on your own.
Thank them for loving you and thinking about you, and ask that they give you the chance to weigh in with your thoughts about whatever the situation may be. Explain that for your well-being, it is important for you to feel as independent as possible, so you want to participate in the decision-making regarding your needs.
To be sensitive to your partner’s feelings, you can state that you know they are taking extra efforts to be sure that you will be comfortable in any given situation, and you appreciate that. Still, it is important that you be allowed to speak for yourself and make your own decisions.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
