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Help! I Think I Love the Girthmasterr?

Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: Getty Images

A couple of months ago, Girthmasterr took the world by storm. He went viral for revealing to a man-on-the-street interviewer that he made $80,000 a month on OnlyFans and successfully parlayed that into an even bigger audience. He now creates content on both the sex-work site and TikTok, where he makes SFW videos for his mostly female audience. (In case you’re wondering why he’s called Girthmasterr, his penis is eight inches long and seven inches around. If you’re curious, open an incognito window.)

On Wednesday, Interview published a conversation with Girthmasterr in which the Australian native comes across not as a Dirk Diggler–esque egomaniac but as a pretty chill dude who loves to show off his dick. Girthmasterr, whose legal name is not public information, explained that he just really loves attention. He started posting photos on Tumblr, and the positive feedback led to his posting more. Soon he was posting on Reddit and Twitter.

“That’s how I got to where I am today, just every now and then creating a new account to share pictures of myself anonymously with the internet,” he explained. “I started this as a hobby in the shadows, posting pictures online, and then someone told me to start an OnlyFans. So I did, and I never expected it to get to where it is now.”

Girthmasterr is shockingly humble for a man with a penis that big, telling Interview that he must have been really good in a past life. “Everything I’ve got, I didn’t do anything to achieve. I was born six-foot-six, with a giant dick. It’s not like I learned to play piano or learned a new language or studied something,” he said. “So with that, I can’t be too arrogant about anything I’ve got either. I’ve got the responsibility to keep my head on straight and, I don’t know, do as much good as I can with it.”

I am trying really hard not to be parasocial about this hot, tall Australian guy with the massive hog, but I fear it’s a losing battle. He seems nice! Normal, even! He likes wearing gray sweatpants because he knows they’re “slutty”! He said women “are usually at the forefront of my mind when I’m making decisions”!

Luckily for me and the other women who can’t get enough of this guy, he’s dropping some merch soon. “It’s like an old movie poster with Girthmasterr at the top, and a dick’s casting a shadow over a city, and people are running away,” he said. Where can I preorder?

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