You like to plan an average of ten thousand years into the future – and your dating life is no exception. You aren’t interested in casual flings or “hanging out to see where things go.” You want to know as soon as possible whether the person you’re dating has long-term potential – which is hard to decipher through a Netflix and Chill sess. In a world where social interaction is already too nuanced for your liking, you’re tired of trying to root out who’s going to be in it for the long haul with you versus who’s just messing around.
You have the practice of loving down pat – you know how to connect with people quickly, how to shower them with adoration, how to form long-lasting relationships and how to keep them healthy and strong… but the modern dating game is now asking you suppress your feelings(???) and to not care(???) These are foreign concepts to you. You care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year. Pretending that you’re nonchalant is torture, and the pressure to act totally chill all the time in modern dating is absurd to you.
Sorry, the modern dating game requires you to NOT get emotionally invested right away? Haha nope… that’s not an option for you. When you care, you care all the way – one hundred percent, with nothing in between. You can feign disinterest for days, but when you genuinely like someone your imagination runs away on you – and you’re suddenly picturing your wedding dress, your children’s names, and the entire badass life you’d spend together. You’d turn it off if you could but at the end of the day, that’s just how your mind functions. Trying to act chill feels excruciatingly inauthentic to you.
Dating is a massive, colossal, inefficient waste of your time. Sure you want to enjoy your life alongside somebody wonderful, but you aren’t interested in dealing with the petty trivialities of dating. You wish finding a partner could be as simple as conducting an interview – asking a few key questions, assessing suitability for the position and then agreeing to engage in a mutually beneficial (that is, loving) relationship from that point forward. Wouldn’t that just make more sense?
It’s not that you’re heartless or detached – it’s really not. It’s just that you genuinely have a difficult time understanding what the hell potential partners want or need from you – and somehow you always end up accidentally neglecting one of their needs. The amount of subtleties you’re expected to pick up on while dating drive you mad – you just want a partner who says what they mean and means what they say – but that’s a hard thing to come by in the modern dating world.
You absolutely love having options – but there’s a point at which options become option paralysis. With a never-ending number of profiles to swipe through, bars to frequent, apps to download and dates to go on, your ‘greener grass syndrome’ is quick to spiral out of control. Sure, the date you went on tonight was fun, but what about that cute guy you’ve been chatting with on Tinder? What if he’s THE ONE? You simply HAVE to see that date through… and then the next one… and the next one…
Let’s cut to the chase – you aren’t here to mess around. You know what you want out of a partner and it’s a consistent, mutual relationship – not the indecisive, drama-heavy mess that is the modern dating scene. If you’re being totally honest, you wish you could date the way your parent’s generation did – by following a set of courteous guidelines that made both people feel safe, respected and admired. Your interest in ‘playing the field’ is zero. You’re only interested in dating people who’ll show you the same respect and devotion that you’ll show them.
There’s nothing you love more than meeting new people and sharing new experiences with them. In many ways the dating game suits you… but in other ways, you cannot make head or tail of it. What should be a fun and relaxed experience (getting to know someone new) has suddenly turned into a minefield of rules, regulations and fouls. You can’t possibly be bothered to memorize all the current rules that come along with the modern dating game – so you pay as little attention to them as possible, and just hope to eventually meet someone who’s on the same page.
