Should school sports days be banned?
As more schools make sports days optional, two mums argue for and against the summer tradition . . .
ONE of my fondest childhood memories is winning the three-legged race at sports day when I was eight.
The moment of victory is seared into my brain in glorious Technicolor.
So why, might you ask, as the mother of two boys aged 14 and 12, do I hate this annual event?
When I was a kid in the late Seventies, nobody’s parents attended sports day.
Then, it was just something that happened, without fanfare, and — shock, horror — without a medal or “You Did It” sticker in sight.
It was children, in their running shorts, having a bit of fun.
Today it is a different ball game.
Kids are split into houses and teams and forced to take part in what has become an overly competitive parade of sporting prowess.
On the sidelines are super-competitive parents, screaming louder than Alex Ferguson in his angry heyday, desperate to propel their little darlings over the finish line first.
My two sons hate it.
The eldest is dyspraxic, meaning he has a co-ordination disorder that makes some physical activity challenging.
While he loves dodgeball at his after-school club, he would have no chance at races such as the egg and spoon.
My 12-year-old is more academic than sporty, but no school holds a “maths day” where parents can watch their offspring in action doing algebra, do they?
For a parent, there is nothing more painful than watching your child struggling at something, and in full view of other children, too.
You might think I am molly-coddling my boys, but I am not.
Lots of mums and dads with unsporty children feel exactly the same way about this athletics love-in, especially if their kids already face difficulties in life.
Then there are the parents themselves — those who take the best viewpoints are often smug, non-working mums who have spent a week planning the perfect picnic.
There is a look of disdain for us harassed late-comers — the working mums — who bolt from their desks and arrive red-faced from running, just to make it on time.
My kids felt the humiliation keenly when yours truly came last in the mums’ race a couple of years ago.
Why does every pupil have to take part?
I imagined the music from Chariots Of Fire would strike up as I cleared the finish line first, forgetting most other mums were 20 years younger than me.
Cue a twisted ankle and beetroot-coloured cheeks.
The dads’ race is even worse, with uber competitive young men decked out in designer sports gear, setting their kids a terrible example by huffing when they do not win.
If your child really loves sport, it must be fantastic for them to show what they can do.
But why does every pupil have to take part?
What about putting on different events for those with other talents?
Then there’s the new, all-inclusive approach, where everyone gets a sticker for taking part.
It is right that kids learn not everyone can win a prize.
But should that apply to things they don’t even want to do?
It is time to ban these outdated, stress-inducing spectacles altogether.
LAST year my eldest son came second in the 200 metres at his school sports day.
He was duly awarded a medal and everybody clapped.
This year he didn’t win anything.
He turned 13 in April but, unlike some of his contemporaries, has yet to develop any manly muscles.
Was he disappointed? A bit.
But he was also pretty cheerful in the face of defeat.
After all, you win some, you lose some.
Which is what sports day is all about.
Children are not stupid — they know who’s the best in the class at running, jumping or throwing.
Pretending that everyone is as good as each other is insulting their intelligence and patronising to boot.
And it’s often the kids who aren’t so able in the classroom who excel on the sports field.
Shouldn’t they be given a chance to shine for once and know that they are the best at something?
As parents, we are much more in tune with our kids’ feelings than previous generations.
We sympathise when they’re struggling, rather than telling them to just “get on with it”.
We listen to their problems and encourage them to share their emotions.
Learning to lose is a really important life skill
This approach will hopefully result in more well-adjusted adults.
But the flipside is that this generation may not be so good at taking the rough with the smooth — or knowing what it feels like to come last.
Learning to lose is a really important life skill, which is why opting out of sports day if you think you won’t get a gold medal isn’t helpful in the long run.
I wouldn’t dream of allowing my sons, who are 13, ten and seven, to pull a sickie, and I don’t think schools should let them avoid the tough stuff either.
Life is competitive, so we need to know how to cope with disappointment and failure when it inevitably happens.
It might sound like a cliché, but kids have to discover that taking part and trying your best is what counts, while still congratulating the better player on the day.
It’s what you learn from and what fuels future success. Sports day is the perfect place to start learning that.
It’s a safe environment, where the stakes aren’t too high and you get cheered on by your mates — even if you come last.
I wasn’t particularly athletic at school.
I was enthusiastic, rather than skilled.
But I remember sports days with great fondness.
It meant an afternoon off lessons in the sun, cheering on my parents in their races, laughing as I failed to clear the high jump bar and going wild when my house won the cup.
We finished the day tired and happy, because running, jumping and throwing are good for you, mentally as well as physically.
I even remember my few triumphs, like slowly working my way up from the back of the pack to coming second in the 1500 metres, cheered on by my disbelieving classmates.
And just last week, I came third in the mums’ race at my youngest’s sports day.
I remain competitive!
Sports day doesn’t have to be a bad thing, even if you’re rubbish at running or couldn’t balance an egg on a spoon if your life depended on it.
As with so much in life, the main thing is the taking part.
IS your child anxious about sports day? Parenting expert Kirsty Ketley shares her tips for making it fun, not fraught.
1 Help your child understand that the focus should be on effort over performance. Giving your best is good enough – it’s not about winning or losing.
2 Losing doesn’t make you a loser – it simply means that someone else was better than you on the day. Losing can prove to be a good motivator for children to keep trying, never give up and to reach their full potential.
3 Teach your child how to be a gracious loser AND winner – cheering their peers on is kind and shows good sportsmanship.
4 Be a good role model. Be mindful of how you handle frustration and disappointment and make sure your expectations of how your child will perform are realistic.
5 If your child is adamant that they don’t want to compete, speak to the school and see how they can help. Maybe your child can take on a “helping” role instead? All sporting heroes have people behind them to make the magic happen.
