DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I applied for the same out-of-state job, and only I got it. Should I go?
“Danny” and I have been dating for three years. One of his closest friends invited us to apply for a job where he was interning, as they still needed three more people. The job pays well with lots of benefits.
Before we applied, Danny and I discussed that if only one of us got in, we would still seize the opportunity. When I got the call, he was supportive, although I could feel his sadness as we had always talked about finally getting a place together if we both got in.
All of Danny’s past relationships ended because he is not a long-distance person. Do you think this is worth the risk?
— Long Distance
DEAR LONG DISTANCE: Take the job.
Encourage your boyfriend to apply for something else in the town where you will be going. You have to live your life. If he wants to be with you, he needs to take action to make it happen.
You do not need to break up with him. You two can try to see if you can make it work, but ultimately, your circumstances will likely determine your future.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend always seems to need to be the center of attention.
Her behavior is starting to cause a strain on our friendship, and I’m not sure how to address it without hurting her feelings.
She is 25 years old, but her actions remind me more of a teenager who craves constant validation.
Whenever we go out in a group or even in more intimate settings, she finds ways to turn the conversation back to herself, often interrupting others or downplaying their experiences. It feels like every story I share is quickly overshadowed by one of her more dramatic tales. If someone else is getting attention, she tends to make exaggerated comments or perform antics to redirect the focus back to her.
This behavior is not only irritating, it’s also exhausting, and it feels like I’m constantly playing a supporting role in her ongoing quest for attention.
I value our friendship and care about her deeply, but this aspect of her personality is becoming a significant issue.
Do you think this is too big of a red flag to continue our friendship, or should I have the difficult conversation to try to help her?
— Best Friend Blues
DEAR BEST FRIEND BLUES: What is obvious to you may not be to your friend. You see how consistently she acts out to get attention, but there’s a good chance that she isn’t aware of her behavior.
As her friend, you should tell her what you have observed and how inappropriate it is.
Start by asking for her blessing to share something uncomfortable with her. That will get her attention. Then describe her behavior to her. Give her at least three examples so she can see what you are talking about. Let her know how it makes you feel and how you have observed others react to her.
Tell her you don’t mean to hurt her feelings by telling her this, but you think it is important for her to know this about her behavior so that she can curb it.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
