I went on my first Carnival cruise — these are the 2 reasons I might not do it again

And it's not for the reasons you might expect.

My four nights on Carnival Firenze weren't stellar — not because of the rambunctious crowd (shocker, I know), but because of the terrible food and annoyingly endless upselling.

The cheapest Carnival Firenze itinerary in 2024 is a four-night sailing for $359 per person, including taxes and fees. That's less than $90 a night for a hotel room at sea, unlimited food, onboard activities, and the chance to see Catalina Island and Ensenada, Mexico.

Not bad, considering that new ships typically have a steep pricing premium (Royal Caribbean's new Icon of the Seas mega-ship starts at more than $260 a night).

Look, I'm not expecting caviar and freshly shaved truffles on every plate. I can respect a sloppy burger and simple pasta, as I expected for a Carnival cruise. And seeing complimentary dishes like beef tartare was unexpectedly welcomed.

The best word to describe most of my Carnival Firenze meals is "sweet."

The honey mustard dressing at the buffet salad station was so sugary it could've been a dessert. But even the thick, saccharine texture couldn't moisten up the incredibly bone-dry chicken.

Sure, sure. Honey mustard is supposed to be jam-packed with sugar, and I poured it with a heavy hand. But I think a salad dressing shouldn't send diners into a sugar rush.

My main dining room entrée of shrimp and fish cake could've been great. The shrimp was perfectly bouncy, and while the fish cake was questionably mushy, it was seasoned well with a dried garlicky, oniony spice mix.

Unfortunately, the accompanying tomato sauce, sweetened like it was meant to be a sorbet, lost all of the dish's accolades.

A good tomato sauce strikes a delicate balance between sweetness and acidity. This was just sugar — and a profound ability to make decent seafood taste bad.

I didn't love that it came with only four or five clams, but I do love pasta dishes with a contrasting texture!

Unfortunately, said "texture" was a hard, small piece of plastic hidden among the mound of noodles.

The Guy Fieri-branded burger joint accrued lines before it opened for lunch. I, drawn to hyped food places like a moth to a light, was excited by its popularity.

Unfortunately, I couldn't enjoy it for long. I hit a food coma about four bites into the decadently greasy pepperoni pizza burger, served with a thick slab of fried mozzarella.

But the two complimentary dining venues that catered to these needs — the Fresh Creations salad stand and La Strada Grill with sandwiches and sides — were only open during the last day of the sailing. At that point, the lack of fiber had already done its damage.

I even tried ordering off the vegan menu for breakfast one morning. Unfortunately, I was denied my meatless dish: The waiter said vegan breakfasts had to be ordered the night before, a restriction I've yet to see on another cruise.

That title goes to the incessant, in-your-face upselling, done with a persistent annoyance reminiscent of an annoying fly buzzing around your home.

On paper, Carnival offers some ultra-cheap cruise fares. In reality, once you board the ship, you'll be met with an unsavory amount of pay-to-play options that could quickly double your vacation cost.

On Norwegian's newer ships, this includes slapping a $10 fee on the mini-golf course. On Royal Caribbean's latest vessel, this means paying $49 for a ropes course that could be completed in less than a minute.

But on Carnival, even complimentary venues had pay-to-play options.

Or the free dining room, where breakfast juices — shown by a waiter at each table — could be purchased for $5.

Looking for a midday snack? You could hit complimentary venues like Il Mercato for sausages or the pizza stand for, well, pizza. Just be prepared to pay $6 if you want a Korean barbecue steak pie instead of pepperoni.

The nightly movie screenings were free to attend. But if you want a bag of buttery popcorn, you'll have to pay $4.

That's the same price guests had to pay if they wanted to take a shuttle from the port in Ensenada, Mexico, to downtown.

Tea bags during "Tea Time" were $1.50. Unaware of the price before being approached by the server, I declined on the principle of not wanting to pay.

A few minutes later, he returned to inform me that he did, in fact, have two free options stashed behind the up-charged ones: Lipton and Bigelow's green tea — the only tea bags available at the buffet.

If I didn't know any better, I would've believed him. It seemed like almost everything I wanted came with a sneaky price tag, as intended by its parent company.

Travelers spent more money aboard Carnival Corp's ships in the first quarter of 2024 than in the same time last year. To continue this success, Josh Weinstein, president and CEO of Carnival Corp, told investors in March that the company will continue to "push and press" its cruise lines to "optimize and maximize both on the ticket and onboard spending."

The mini-golf course, waterslides, board games, and elevated ropes course were complimentary and a great way for families to pass sea days.

I arrogantly found the whole Italy-themed decor (it is called Firenze, after all) a bit tacky. But if you love the idea of a garish Las Vegas-ified Italy — think, the Walmart version of the Venetian — you could find some joy in the kitsch.

Cruises are meant to be relaxing and fun. There's nothing relaxing about having to think about your finances whenever you're met with a pay-to-play option, which felt constant on Carnival Firenze. Nor is there anything fun about chewing into a piece of hidden plastic.

If you want the vacation of your dreams on Carnival's new ship, be prepared to pay up. But at that point, you might as well save that money for another ship — or cruise line.