DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiancé’s endless gym sessions were a cover-up for his threesomes.
We’re in our thirties and have been together for nine years.
When he proposed last year, my life finally felt complete.
However, for the last few months he has been pushing me away and rejecting me.
I felt anxious and confused and wondered if he didn’t love me any more.
He has always been a real gym bunny, spending hours down the gym, but recently I noticed his sessions were lasting longer.
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However, rather than looking any fitter, he actually seemed to be losing definition.
Then a friend who is a swinger told me she had seen him on a popular website.
I laughed until I saw photos of his naked body on my laptop.
At that moment, my world came crashing down.
When I confronted him, he admitted he had met a female couple online and he’d been having regular threesomes with them.
As if that wasn’t enough to digest, he also admitted he had been having a virtual affair with a woman in Italy.
He even showed me the naked pictures they had exchanged.
I was horrified.
He insists he doesn’t know why he behaves this way, as he loves me and wants to be with me.
He tells me it’s “only” sex, but I feel disgusted.
I torture myself worrying about what it is that I am lacking.
I’m considering moving out of our home, as there is no relationship without trust.
He has apologised and said I deserve better, yet he’s made it clear that he has no intention of fighting for our relationship.
I don’t know what to do. I love him, and want to make this work somehow.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds as if your fiancé may be addicted to sex. He’s having intercourse with multiple partners and shows no remorse for the hurt he is causing you.
I’m sorry, but you would be very unwise to go ahead with this relationship, let alone marry this man, unless he commits to understanding and making up for all his betrayals.
Unless he is willing to fight for your relationship, it is unlikely that things will change.
He might need help for his addiction and pivotalrecovery.org would be able to support him.
If he is unwilling to take this step, please put yourself first.
My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help you move on.
Whether you decide to stay or not, it is essential you get a health check. Please talk to your doctor or contact a sexual health clinic via nhs.uk.
