I’M in an other-worldly hall of mirrors with flickering lights and a haunting, echoing soundtrack.
Welcome to Aurora — a stunning art installation, fab selfie spot and one of my favourite places on the cruise ship Celebrity Ascent.
And when I say “one of” I’m not exaggerating because I love everything about this new ship.
There is a garden on the sun deck where passengers can sip something sparkling while surrounded by real plants, or have a dip in a pool suspended over the side of the ship.
You can cool off in elevated hot tubs, which are designed to stand like martini glass stems and overlook the deck.
Or bask on loungers in a solarium reserved for adults.
As the grown-up big sister to Royal Caribbean International, Celebrity ships ooze sophistication.
But all this luxury does not have to come at a huge cost.
There are sailings this summer in the Mediterranean from just over £100 per night.
As soon as I am on board — an impressively painless process given they have 3,260 passengers to check in — I make a beeline for the Magic Carpet, a platform that “flies” up and down the side of the ship.
Today it is next to the pool deck, which means it is a bar with the best views in town.
At other times it is an al fresco extension to the Raw on Five fish restaurant, or a sea-level platform from where you can board small boats to go ashore in ports Ascent cannot fit into.
And talking of magic, how about the Retreat, with its private sun deck, pool and bar, restaurant, lounge for those staying in the palatial suites and two-storey villas attended by butlers?
Although not booked for a suite, I am happy in my cabin.
It has a bed that beckons you to sink into, sofa, large bathroom and walk-in shower.
Celebrity calls it an infinite veranda cabin but the one thing it does not have is . . . a veranda.
At least not in the usual sense of being able to sit outside with the wind in your hair.
Instead, I have a wall of glass facing the ocean that opens from the top down.
It is noisy, so if you want to make friends with the folk next door, do not open it until at least 7am.
It effectively means your balcony is part of your cabin when you drop the wall of glass to waist height.
It suits me fine as I can sit and enjoy sea views and fresh air without being blown away and my cabin feels much more spacious.
This summer, the ship is sailing the Mediterranean from Rome, with ports of call in some of Europe’s most captivating destinations including Santorini and Mykonos in Greece, Kusadasi in Turkey and Naples in Italy.
Come winter, it will be sailing the Caribbean.
And while it is heading to some delicious foodie destinations, happily you will also never go hungry on Ascent.
The Cypriot, Normandie, Tuscan and Cosmopolitan restaurants share a main menu that changes daily, as well as having a few speciality dishes of their own — think Mediterranean, French, Italian and upscale American food.
Blu goes heavy on healthy and is just for those in Aqua-class cabins.
These rooms also come with free access to the spa’s saunas and steam rooms, while Luminae is for the swish lot in the Retreat.
For something casual, head to the Oceanview Café, a self-service emporium where you can fill up on a full English and eggs any way you choose for breakfast and chomp your way through Indian, Asian, Italian and American faves at lunch and dinner.
You can also make your own salads.
So that is a different place to eat for each day of the week!
Add in the speciality restaurants at an extra cost and you need to be on board for almost a fortnight to try them all.
I got a table in Eden, where chefs experiment with different tastes and textures (a bit challenging but do not let that put you off), and Le Voyage, a superb restaurant serving Michelin-style cuisine by chef Daniel Boulud.
On top of that there is a steakhouse, rooftop grill and animated fun in Le Petit Chef, where dishes are prepared on the plate in front of you by a tiny, animated chef.
It has to be seen to be believed.
Dinner over, I take a seat in the theatre for a show called Bridges.
The singing and dancing is not my thing but the technology is fantastic, with massive LED screens into which performers appear and disappear.
Order a drink, sit back and prepare to be amazed.
Which neatly sums up everything about Celebrity Ascent.
