Your Father: A guide to genealogical insults
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
We at The Stanford Daily announce our disappointment in the prevalence of “Yo Momma” jokes on Stanford’s campus. In a spirit of abolishing the patriarchy, as well as improving the comedic ability of our campus, we are proud to announce our latest invention, the “Yo Daddy Joke.” In the future, when presented with “Yo Momma Jokes,” we recommend following this course of conversation to lay the maximum amount of comedic truth bombs.
Do you know who I was with last night? Yo Daddy! You might as well start calling me Grandsire, ‘cause I am Yo Daddy’s Daddy.
Yo Momma may have a pearl necklace, but I have Yo Daddy’s family jewels.
Do you know why Yo Daddy loves Elton John so much? Because I was his Tiny Dancer.
Yo Daddy may be too hard on you, but I was never soft with him.
Yo Daddy’s so round Miley Cyrus calls him “her wrecking ball.”
Yo Daddy’s so old, most women in the retirement home are “too young for him.”
Mothers call me Houdini, ‘cause one night with Yo Daddy, I make your marriage disappear.
Yo Daddy’s so scared of intimacy, he can’t even commit to the bit.
Do you know who loves to sleep in on Sundays? Yo Daddy!
Do you know who has eyes that dazzle in the moonlight and sparkle in the Sun? Yo Daddy.
Do you know who makes an amazing Chocolate Souffle with Raspberry Drizzle? Yo Daddy!
Do you know who is well-read, well-dressed, and always ready to mingle with the well-to-do? Yo Daddy!
Do you know who taught me how to have a relationship, to be willing to be open, and welcoming, and kind? Yo Daddy!
Do you know who promised to always be there for me, to reach out and catch me with his big, burly arms if I ever needed his love and support? Yo Daddy?
Do you know who always smelled like sandalwood and felt like home? Yo Daddy!
Do you know who told me how he was dissatisfied with his boring, suburban life with a wife he never loved and a job he always hated, and who lit up in passionate glee when I told him of my depression at my future prospects in this deadbeat town? Yo Daddy!
Do you know who told me of his plan to leave this place once and for all, to pack it all up and head off to the desert of Arizona to finally start that small little independent bookshop he always dreamed about? Yo Daddy!
Do you know who told me that, if I wanted, I could be by his side, and could create a new life, away from it all, with him in Arizona? Yo Daddy!
But do you know who, after promising to leave you and your mom and start anew by each other’s side, left me all alone at the Amtrak station, only sending me a message on WhatsApp 5 hours later that he couldn’t do it, that he couldn’t leave his life, that he wasn’t brave, that he didn’t have the courage to start anew, and that we can’t do this anymore? Yo Daddy!
Do you know who’s a real love em’ and leave em’ type? Yo Daddy!
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