Making mom friends is more complicated than it seems.
Kacie Trimble/Sun-Times
Dear Ismael,
How do I make friends as a stay-at-home mom? I am not one to go up to another parent at the park but I want to make more mom friends.
— Where's Mom in Lincoln Park
Dear Where's Mom,
I heard looking for good mom friends is like searching for a good romantic partner. First, you need chemistry. After you pass that test, you have to tread lightly to see if your parenting styles and values align before you move forward or the relationship starts to get more serious — if not between the parents, between the children.
It's complicated, but I understand the need to surround yourself with others you can depend and lean on, especially to have people who understand your passions and struggles as a mother.
I asked a couple of my mom friends who have children roughly between the age of 5 and 10, and I got some good tips, warnings and challenges about making other mom friends. Here's a variety of opportunities depending on your availability:
A good strength you have is that you are a stay-at-home mom. And while there are housekeeping duties and errands that keep you busy while raising your children, you are not tied down or committed to a 9-to-5 job that limits you from socializing or scheduling play dates.
You can do that while you rub shoulders with parents at daycare, preschool or soccer practice. You said you are not one to go up to parents, but as you familiarize yourself with people and get a vibe from them, it should get easier to see who is worth the chat.
If your child isn't at the age for extracurricular or after-school hobbies, look into free events at the park district and libraries that other parents might frequent, too. If you don't get a friend out of it, you will still get a nice bonding experience with your child at a library story hour or swim class.
Another good place to start for new moms is at your local pediatrician's office. Some offer opportunities for new parent meet-ups or support groups that don't necessarily have to be about breastfeeding.
For a more modern take on meeting people, there are apps that help you meet mom friends.
"I tried a Tinder-esque parent friend matching app called Peanut, but found the whole thing too awkward and overwhelming to follow through," my friend told me.
I searched on Reddit to see what others had to say about Peanut and — like most dating apps — it has received mixed reviews.
"I tried it. I had a few awkward chats that didn't lead anywhere. I deleted the app when a random person messaged me for money for diapers," Reddit user Newenglander87 said. On another thread, LBoogie1026 said, "I've met over 15 women and we always meet at a public place, like a park/playground or mall. Peanut is a safe place for women."
I don't know if I would be ready to be ghosted by moms. I would personally stick to the free activities offered by the city.
A big thing to consider is that you're not searching for like-minded people for just yourself. Your kid's opinion matters, too.
If a mom checks all the boxes but their child is a jerk, run. If the kids become best friends but the mom isn't the best example — girl, I don't know. Maybe this is where those motherly sacrifices may come in.
Write to Someone in Chicago at someoneinchicago@suntimes.com.
