I OUT earn my husband in a big way – so why should I get home after a long day and do housework when it’s my hard slog that keeps a roof over our heads and the joint bank account topped up?
Sticky, smelly marigolds bring me out in hives and this ridiculous notion created by the likes of ‘cleanfluencers’ (what does that even mean?) such as Mrs Hinch and Stacy Solomon that cleaning is ‘women’s work’ and is something to be enjoyed, makes my blood boil.
Especially when you’re a woman like me – the breadwinner bringing home the bacon, and that’s the reason why the dirty jobs always fall to my partner Thomas, 30.
Today’s struggle for women is real – we’re juggling more than ever before yet a survey found that 72% still do the majority of the household tasks according to research from Starling Bank.
I feel the strain, and I don’t even have children, which I’m delaying so I can concentrate on my career as a writer – so why would I spend all my time doing housework instead?
But how ironic that on TikTok hashtag #tradwife has racked up hundreds and thousands of views and likes.
It’s astonishing, and it’s time women pushed back.
Those who claim they actually enjoy their traditional, old-fashioned gender role of being servants by choice – quietly keeping house while their husbands control the purse strings – must be crazy.
They’re mugs, and they’re fooling themselves when they say they enjoy being at their bloke’s beck and call – it’s not the 1950s!
They may as well don a maid outfit and be done with it.
When I met Thomas in 2018, I worked as an admin assistant and I earned almost double his part-time wage.
Now, we’re now both full time, but I still earn considerably more than he does.
Two years ago, we moved in together and for some unknown reason, I fell into a suffocating trap of feeling like I must be a “good wife” – but I quickly burnt out.
I did all the cooking and cleaning even though I was regularly working 10-hour days, only stopping work to make dinner before going back to my laptop.
I tried to make sure the house was pristine and the fridge fully stocked.
I was so caught up in gender roles and traditional stereotypes I couldn’t see another way.
When I was growing up it was mums who took on the household load so the societal expectations were always in the back of my mind.
Thomas didn’t expect me to carry the strain – or if he thought it, he didn’t say.
But every time he touched the hoover I felt like I was failing as a wife.
A few months later, and after a particularly long hard week at work, I didn’t even have the energy to switch on the oven.
It was breaking point and Thomas saw how much I needed to step back from duties.
From that day on, he has taken the load on himself and while I haven’t picked up a duster in months, our house is the tidiest it has ever been.
I cook occasionally and I pick up after myself (I’m not a slob!) – but when it comes to doing the dirty work like cleaning the loo, doing the washing or taking out the bins, it’s my husband, the housekeeper, who does it.
Better still, he seems to enjoy it and slots it in nicely around his job as a wine merchant.
If he’s too tired then he doesn’t have to do things straight away – I don’t lounge around cracking a whip at him!”
Polly
If he’s too tired he doesn’t have to do things instantly – I don’t lounge around cracking a whip!
But he’s very good at noticing what needs to be done and getting on with it while I can focus on other things – like enjoying a lie in while he cuts the grass.
It’s not that I’m lazy, I just have better things to do.
It’s time other men were more like Thomas and women who let their partners lump the chores on them need to stop being doormats – and start refusing to ‘mother’ their men.”
Thomas adds: “I don’t mind doing all the cleaning.
“If Polly is busy and I’ve got the time I’m happy to take the bulk of it – I want the house to look nice.
“We’re a great couple and work as a team – we both contribute to the house and relationship in different ways so it all evens out in the end.
“I think it should always be as equal as possible between couples – I don’t mind picking up the slack but I’ve never wanted to be waited on.
“I think men that don’t lift a finger around the house should take a good look at themselves and do better for their partner – its not hard.”
