DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher. I have a young son, and I love being off when he is out for school holidays and spending summers together. I feel I have the best of both worlds. I recently married a woman who is 14 years younger than me and is also a teacher. My wife hates the profession. She feels it isn't exciting or respectable enough. Her opinions about teaching hurt my feelings because I believe it is a noble career, plus it gives me quality time with my son.
My wife has decided to join the police force. It didn't happen out of the blue. We have discussed it for the last five years. I have told her it isn't the life I want. I worked hard to reach a point in my life to have a family and take summer vacations with my son. I was honest with her from the beginning. She often says she wants the time with our family too, and that she won't join the police force. Then, days later, she brings it up again.
We have been married only six months, but I regret it already. I didn't get married to be alone all the time and to take vacations without my spouse. I love her, but I feel betrayed and lied to. I also don't think she'll be a good cop; she is just obsessed with police shows and thinks it's going to be like that. She's throwing away a great career for one I think she'll leave in a year or two. I feel our biggest challenge is her lack of experience. What do I do? — WORRIED WIFE/MOM IN FLORIDA
DEAR WIFE/MOM: Calm down. There is no guarantee that even if your wife applies she will be accepted into law enforcement in anything more than an administrative capacity. Some sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist might help the two of you to better communicate.
You each appear to have very different ideas about what a happy marriage consists of. If a compromise can't be reached, and because your marriage has been such a short one, it might be better for the two of you to cordially part ways.
DEAR ABBY: We host dinner parties in our home with dear friends. They always bring their little dog, but never ask if it's OK with us. When they're finished eating, the husband picks the dog up onto his lap at the table. I think it's unbelievably rude to have a dog at the dinner table. Am I wrong?
My husband and I are appalled and don't know how to approach them about it without ruining our friendship. We are flabbergasted that they think this is right. What do you suggest we do? — SHOCKED IN OHIO
DEAR SHOCKED: Your problem is having allowed this for so long without speaking up. The solution now is to either stop inviting this couple to your dinner parties, or to ask them not to bring "Fifi" with them because an uninvited dog sitting at your table bothers you AND your husband. (Refrain from using the word "rude," which would come across as judgmental.) This may seem "ruff," but you have got to do it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
